Loc: The frozen North
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop , a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt . As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on , she became aware that the skirt was to tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver , she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little , thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg . Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind to unzip her skirt a little more . For the second time attempted the step , and, once again much to her chagrin , she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver , she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step . About this time , a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the bus . She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched " How dare you touch my body ! I dont even know who you are !" The Texan smiled and drawled " Well ma'am , normally I would agree with you , but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends. "
Because we all need some management "Continuing Education" every once in awhile.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit on my ass like you and do nothing?"The eagle answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey , "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure droppings?" replied the bull."They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. Next day,? after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bull dermot might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out.
He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of dermot is your friend.
(3) When you're in deep dermot, it's best to keep your mouth shut.
The CAA finally caught up with their backlog of paperwork and realised that Santa had never been licensed as a pilot.
After a protracted exchange of correspondence the CAA insisted that he was tested and a date arranged.
At the prearranged date the examiner turned up at Santa’s home and gave Santa the exam briefing.
After the briefing Santa put the Reindeer into their harnesses and attached them to the sleigh (pre-flight checks). The examiner was checking things off on his clipboard and checking everything Santa did. Once the pre-flight checks were complete and a weather forecast re-checked Santa asked the examiner if he could take off.
The examiner looked a bit flustered and said he had left something in his 4x4 and got out of the sleigh. He returned with a shotgun.
Santa asked ‘What is the gun for? I am a man of peace and goodwill’
The examiner replied ‘ I shouldn’t really tell you this but as a test condition you are going to suffer engine failure on take off’
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied , 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.The man then said 'When I was at the races last week , Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'