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Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #602984
10/11/19 01:49 PM
10/11/19 01:49 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 14,247
Suffolk
John V6 Offline
Member of the Inner Circle
John V6  Offline
Member of the Inner Circle

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 14,247
Suffolk
OOH. As a volunteer at Sutton Hoo I must point out the lack of historical fact there!
Made me laugh and wince though.


JohnV6
2006 Indigo Blue Roadster S1
Being paid to breathe
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #602998
10/11/19 03:34 PM
10/11/19 03:34 PM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 6,442
Llanelli
sospan Offline
Talk Morgan Sage
sospan  Offline
Talk Morgan Sage

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 6,442
Llanelli
Don’t let the truth spoil a good story or joke!


Red Plus8
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: Tim W] #603040
10/11/19 07:08 PM
10/11/19 07:08 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 12,125
Mandello del Lario, Lake Como,...
Gambalunga Offline
Member of the Inner Circle
Gambalunga  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 12,125
Mandello del Lario, Lake Como,...
Originally Posted by Tim W
Saw this on Facebook. I thought it was quite accurate.

Tim


What it's like to be British (Joanne Johnson)

• Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”

• Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”

• Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best

• Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door

• Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit

• Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand

• Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
• The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector

• The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”

• “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it

• Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands

• Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck

• Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change

• Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again

• Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested

• Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”

• Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon

• Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it

• Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave

• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible

• The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about

• Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake

• Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot

• Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink

• “You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit

• Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it

• “I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”

• Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever

• Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever

• Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’

• Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether

• Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing

• Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again

• The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up

• Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again


Comment from swmbo "Non solo inglesi", "not just the English" rofl


Peter

[Linked Image]
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #603122
11/11/19 11:37 AM
11/11/19 11:37 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 169
Hampton Hill, Middx.
DavidR Offline
L - Learner Plates On
DavidR  Offline
L - Learner Plates On

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 169
Hampton Hill, Middx.
In response to Tim's great list of what makes us British, one of my South African brother-in-laws sent the following.

You know you are South African when:

You can swim at Clifton beach without a wet suit
You enjoy braaiing in temps of 45 + with no shirt or hat
You enjoy driving in sand
You always carry a torch in case of load shedding power cuts
You say “just now” but you really mean later!
When “Cheers” means goodbye and Howzit (how is it) means hello
When a random hobo directs traffic and everyone is OK with it.
The traffic responds to a robot and not a traffic light!!
You know all the rules of rugby!!!


David
Aero S4
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: DavidR] #603178
11/11/19 06:11 PM
11/11/19 06:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 21,585
Devonshire
+8Rich Offline OP
Member of the Inner Circle
+8Rich  Offline OP
Member of the Inner Circle

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 21,585
Devonshire
laugh2 laugh2


Regards Richard

1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green
1994 Connaught Green +8





Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: DavidR] #603188
11/11/19 07:33 PM
11/11/19 07:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 7,730
West Paris, France
pandy Offline
Talk Morgan Guru
pandy  Offline
Talk Morgan Guru

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 7,730
West Paris, France
Originally Posted by DavidR

You know all the rules of rugby!!!


André Watson's officiating at the 2003 Rugby World Cup final leaves me unconvinced about the last item....


Giles. Mogless in Paris.
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #603303
12/11/19 05:57 PM
12/11/19 05:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,732
UK (up north)
Dean-Royal Offline
Talk Morgan Addict
Dean-Royal  Offline
Talk Morgan Addict

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,732
UK (up north)
i have been so depressed lately me and the wife had decided to commit suicide........anyway since she went first, to be honest i have started
to chirp up a little bit, so i am just going to plod on and see how it goes. smile

Last edited by Dean-Royal; 12/11/19 05:58 PM.

www.generalpaint.biz/color.php Problem with your Colour, we offer TM members impartial advice.
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #603677
15/11/19 06:34 PM
15/11/19 06:34 PM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 6,442
Llanelli
sospan Offline
Talk Morgan Sage
sospan  Offline
Talk Morgan Sage

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 6,442
Llanelli
Crocodile skin makes great shoes.
Banana skin makes great slippers.


Before the crowbar was invented,did crows just drink in their nest?

Last edited by sospan; 15/11/19 06:35 PM.

Red Plus8
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #603779
16/11/19 02:30 PM
16/11/19 02:30 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 10,902
Lancashire, England
Stewart S Offline
Wave & smile... It's a Morgan
Stewart S  Offline
Wave & smile... It's a Morgan
Member of the Inner Circle

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 10,902
Lancashire, England
They look cute and cuddly, but the slightest thing can turn this beautiful creature into something so dangerous and violent that the toughest of men could be killed or maimed for life. Here you can see it cuddling a Bear x



[Linked Image]


2008 Bugatti Blue Roadster 4 Seater
Re: Tongue in cheek Monday humour [Re: +8Rich] #603797
16/11/19 05:54 PM
16/11/19 05:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 21,585
Devonshire
+8Rich Offline OP
Member of the Inner Circle
+8Rich  Offline OP
Member of the Inner Circle

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 21,585
Devonshire
[Linked Image]


Regards Richard

1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green
1994 Connaught Green +8





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