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joke of the day #665790
06/10/20 08:50 AM
06/10/20 08:50 AM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
J
Jack The Lad Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Jack The Lad  Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Talk Morgan Guru
J

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could towards the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whisky bottle in each back pocket broke making the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell Paddy sprung up , pulled down his pants and looked in the hall mirror to see his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band -Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning he woke up in searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Paddy said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Kathleen said, " it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly, it's all those Band=Aids stuck on the Hall Mirror.


sent to my wife by her Irish friend

Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #665791
06/10/20 08:53 AM
06/10/20 08:53 AM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,349
Reading
A11OGE Offline
Part of the Furniture
A11OGE  Offline
Part of the Furniture

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,349
Reading
Ah, JTL. Good to see that you are still firing on all four. cheers


Steve A11OGE Red 1989 4/4 4 seater

'A Morgan is for life, not just for Sundays'
Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #665811
06/10/20 11:48 AM
06/10/20 11:48 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,171
UK (up north)
D
Dean-Royal Offline
Part of the Furniture
Dean-Royal  Offline
Part of the Furniture
D

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,171
UK (up north)
class laugh2


www.generalpaint.biz/color.php Problem with your Colour, we offer TM members impartial advice.
Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #665812
06/10/20 11:59 AM
06/10/20 11:59 AM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,329
Derby
P
PhilRoyle Offline
Talk Morgan Expert
PhilRoyle  Offline
Talk Morgan Expert
P

Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,329
Derby
Brilliant rofl


2010 4/4 sport - le mans green
Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #665816
06/10/20 12:53 PM
06/10/20 12:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 454
Germany, Rhein-Main Area
X
xc68anc Offline
Learner Plates Off!
xc68anc  Offline
Learner Plates Off!
X

Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 454
Germany, Rhein-Main Area
That‘s the point why beer is today sold in cans ;-)


2018 plus4
Re: joke of the day [Re: Dean-Royal] #665817
06/10/20 12:55 PM
06/10/20 12:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
J
Jack The Lad Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Jack The Lad  Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Talk Morgan Guru
J

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
well the MOG is not I have took it off the road till spring ,
by the way most of the jokes come from a friend who is 91 and some of his others are a bit naughty cough cough







Originally Posted by A11OGE
Ah, JTL. Good to see that you are still firing on all four. cheers




Originally Posted by Dean-Royal
class laugh2


Dean a bloke in with his wife wanting a free 5 litre of green gloss he was p me off but more so his wife she wanted the same stuff from 20+ years ago AND BLOODY PRICE . Wonder if she wants me to paint it for her , I felt like it oddly BLACK AND BLUE came to mind. we all get them


ps . Time for you to take your good lady out

try the Chilton country club Fence houses its under new management , and better still The travelers rest WITTON GILBERT near durham fantastic food STEAK NIGHT ON THURSDAY . PS TRY Heineken no alcohol you can not tell

Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #665819
06/10/20 01:15 PM
06/10/20 01:15 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,349
Reading
A11OGE Offline
Part of the Furniture
A11OGE  Offline
Part of the Furniture

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,349
Reading
we expect no less from you goodnight


Originally Posted by Jack The Lad
.... and some of his others are a bit naughty cough cough



.


Steve A11OGE Red 1989 4/4 4 seater

'A Morgan is for life, not just for Sundays'
Re: joke of the day [Re: A11OGE] #665824
06/10/20 02:09 PM
06/10/20 02:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
J
Jack The Lad Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Jack The Lad  Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Talk Morgan Guru
J

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22 , a woman is like AFRICA .

Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30,

a woman is like Europe .
Well-developed and open to trade,
Between 23 and 30,

a woman is
like Europe.
Well-developed and
open to trade,
especially for
someone of real
value.
Between 31 and 35,

a woman is like Spain, very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her beauty .

Between 41 and 50,
a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all-
conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a
woman is

like Israel has been through the war, doesn't
make mistakes

Between 61 and 70, she becomes Tibet,
wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of ages. An
adventurous spirit.

and a thirst for
spiritual knowledge.

An adventurous spirit
and a thirst for
spiritual knowledge .



THE GEOGRAPHY
OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80,
a man is like Iran,
ruled by nuts .



SORRY LADS GIVE ME GIRLS EVERY TIME .
THEY ARE LIKE MOGS GREAT TO LOOK AT
CANNOT KEEP OUR HANDS OFF THEM
AND COST A BLOODY FORTUNE

AND COST A FORTUNE

Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #665825
06/10/20 02:23 PM
06/10/20 02:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,641
West Paris, France
pandy Offline
Needs to Get Out More!
pandy  Offline
Needs to Get Out More!

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,641
West Paris, France
Originally Posted by Jack The Lad

THE GEOGRAPHY
OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80,
a man is like Iran,
ruled by nuts .


....or like the USA.

Ruled by a knob.


Giles. Mogless in Paris.
Re: joke of the day [Re: Jack The Lad] #666288
09/10/20 09:11 AM
09/10/20 09:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
J
Jack The Lad Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Jack The Lad  Offline OP
Posting Desperado
Talk Morgan Guru
J

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
The frozen North
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room,

drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more . The bartender says to him,
,
you know a pint goes flat after you draw it. ; It would taste better if you bought on at a time .



The Irishman replies, Well, you see I have two brothers.

One in is in America , the other in Australia ,

and I am here in Dublin
.
When we all left home we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.

The Bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way .

He orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints , All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says I don't want to intrude on your grief , but I

wanted to offer my condolences

on your great loss.

The Irishman looks confused for a moment , then the light dawns in his eye and he laughs .

Oh no he says everyone is fine Everyone is fine. its me.... I've quit drinking !

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