Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Don't try this at home...

BERLIN will return thousands of hipsters when Britain leaves the EU, it has emerged.

Angela Merkel confirmed that British hipsters would be expelled post-Brexit as they have little to offer Germany except basic website design skills and minimal techno club nights.

She said: “We cannot be expected to support thousands of aspiring musicians and bloggers with names like ‘DJ Leo Fukk’ and ‘Tufty’.

“They are nice enough but utterly useless. We have plenty of local young people who can serve cocktails in a surly way.”

Theresa May had hoped Berlin and Barcelona would sign a proposed ‘Hipster Accord’ where they agree to keep an estimated 186,000 UK hipsters in exchange for unlimited free entrance to London tourist attractions.

Berlin-based hipster Wayne Hayes said: “I had hoped to remain here for the rest of my life, or a least until I get too old to take ketamine in former meat-packing warehouses and have to go back to Essex to sleep in my parents’ conservatory.”