Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

A group of angel's in the sky going around the world and it starts to get cloudy .
One said where are we and the leader put her hand threw the clouds and said
New York
how did you know
I can feel the Statue Of Liberty
after a while where are we now
again hand threw the clouds
Paris
I can feel the Eifel Tower
A while past where are we now
hand threw the clouds
Gateshead
dont tell me you can feel the Angel of the North
No some Bast*rd's nicked me watch.

Albert E. Einstein

We turn to a most unlikely Morgan poet, yet one who is ironically the most famous man of the 20th century: the great physicist Albert E. Einstein. (The 'E', by the way, stood for 'Einstein'. Apparently his parent were confused when filling out the birth certificate, or else were great jokers. Historians are split on that matter.)

It is well known that Einstein kept a Morgan in a tool shed behind his home in Princeton, with the license plate "GENIUS". Apparently, when stuck on a particularly tough physics problem, he would retire to the shed and sit there for long hours, studying his Morgan. When asked about this, Einstein replied, "After thinking about the valve timing of a two cylinder, four valve, three-lobe Matchless camshaft, the problems of time-space relativity seemed quite simple."

Conservation of Morgmentum

Two Morgans with three wheels (not four!)
Collided head-on with a roar.
What emerged from the blaze,
Going opposite ways,
Were a Matchless and a speeding Four-Four.

I would suggest that his parents were fans of catch 22 (and Major Major Major) except that it hadn't been written by then...

Did he really have a Morgan, Einstein?

One man and his Mog
Went to mow a meadow
One man and his Mog
Went to mow a meadow

Two men went to mow
Went to mow a meadow
Two men one man and his Mog
Went to mow a meadow

Three men went to mow
Went to mow a meadow
etc etc etc..............

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....



'Go get your Mother'

I received my tax return for 2012 back from the Tax office. It puzzles me! They are questioning how many dependants I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependants?" I replied:

8 million illegal immigrants; 1,5 million drug dealers; Nearly a million people in overcrowded prisons; and 234 members of Parliament and a useless Prime minister……..

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE DEVIL DID I MISS?

I’m really becoming forgetful in my old age…!!!!

Jennifer, a manager at a local Lidl store, had the task of hiring
> someone to fill a job opening.
>
> After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were
> equally qualified.
>
> Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
> Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.*
>
>
>
> The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table,
>
> Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
>
>
> The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head.
>
> There's no warning.
>
>
> 'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
>
>
> 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
>
>
> 'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that
> it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
>
>
> 'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular
> cliché for speed.'
>
>
> She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
>
>
> 'Well, out at my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the
> wall there's a light switch.
>
> When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the
> barn comes on in less than an instant.
>
> 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
>
>
> Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had
> found her man. 'It’s hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
>
>
> Turning to Wally, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
>
> Old Wally replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's
> obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.'
>
>
> ‘WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
>
> 'Oh sure', said Wally. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so
> good, and I ran for the bathroom,
>
> but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already
> **it myself..'
>
>
> Wally is now working at a Lidl near you!

The old water bed scam....priceless !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9wm-Ge8LL7o