Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Brilliant. When Mr Benkiser having bought Reckitt & Colman made me redundant the one shining light was my then 17 year old son signing the original in a 1000 voice choir at the Albert Hall.

And what makes you think that graduation is the finale?!!!!!!!

Yes not so much an ending - just a whole new begining again ;-)

Weddings, Cars, Houses ........

Like DOGS they are for life & I mean life ! But Love them dearly

Is there one for the parents of teenagers?

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of the next day's final exam

'Now listen to me, I wont tolerate any excuse for not being here tomorrow .

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury , illness , or death in your immediate family , but that's it, no other excuses whatever!'.

A smart-ar*ed kid at the rear of the room raised his hand and asked,

'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'.

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When the silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

Just spoken Jnr she returned at 2am from her uni rowing club ball and is still having a hang over . Can't take it the young ones of today she caught a taxi . I used to come home on my hands knee's ( I remember trying to put the key in the bottom of the door ) and out the next day . I asked did she fancy a ride in the mog again and she said " What and it break down again dad " . As I said " they can't take it .

Joey Essex on Celebrity Juice!

You need to watch these in order. They are short……..

This one first…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErfnbN2qMck&sns=em

This was last weeks one….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx6mPBCMgPM

And then the re-test!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww0F_hiyoSY&sns=em


 

Blonde goes to Heaven

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the Blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'
The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'

And the Blonde entered Heaven...



... you're singing it now, aren't you…??

Unfortunately, yes. It's upset a couple of my colleagues - 'cos I can't sing!!