Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Fantastic.

I saw some absolutely disgusting behaviour on the beach today. I was on the seafront at Brighton and saw a man and a woman having an almighty argument in front of loads of kids, suddenly the woman smacked the guy in the head and it all kicked off. There was a massive brawl and someone called the police. This poor policeman turned up on his own and took his baton to the man, the guy managed to snatch it off him and began assaulting the copper AND his wife!

Then out of nowhere a crocodile crept up and stole all the sausages !!

You had me there , till I read the last line .

Me too!

I'd guessed it on the second line, but needed the last for confirmation

Very good!

Sounds more like far north Queensland than Brighton

There is a Brighton Beach near Brisbane but I don't think the crocs come that far south

There's a righton beach north of Perth too.....only the name is the same!

Do you know what word starts with 'F' and ends in 'K'? It's an American based word. 'No'? Well read on:

A year 5 teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked Harry what his problem was.

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for year 5. My sister is in year 8 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in year 8 too!'

Harry was a troublesome student and Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Harry to the Principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the Principal what the situation was. The Principal told Ms Brooks that he would give the boy a quick test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to year 5 and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36'

And so it went with every question the Principal thought a 5 year student should know.

The Principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go into year 8.'

Ms Brooks disagreed and said to the Principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The Principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms Brooks: 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What do you have in your pants but I don't have in mine?'
The Principal wondered why she should ask such a question!

Harry replies, 'Pockets.'

Ms Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps in to?'

The Principal begins to feel uneasy about the questions being asked by Ms Brooks.

Harry replies, 'Pants.'

Ms Brooks: 'What starts with C, ends in T, is hairy, oval and delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

The Principal is just about to interrupt when Harry said, 'Coconut.'

The Principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms Brooks: 'What is hard and pink when it goes in but comes out pale, soft and sticky?'

The Principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

Ms Brooks: 'Name a word that starts with F and ends with K that means a lot of heat and excitement.'

The Principal was trembling.

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The Principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in year 10, I got the last seven questions wrong.'

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