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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014 |
Richard you dont need one of those watches your a good few hours ahead of us . 
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Richard you dont need one of those watches your a good few hours ahead of us . Should I take that as a compliment? 
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 519
Talk Morgan Regular
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Talk Morgan Regular
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 519 |
AUSSIE CHAT UP LINE
An Aussie bloke walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, " Is your date running late?" "No" he replies , " I just got this state-of-the-art watch?, and I was testing it ?".
The Aussie explains, " It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically ".
The Lady say's, "What's it saying now?".
Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers ".
The woman giggles and replies
"Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers !".
The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,
" Bloody thing's an hour fast!".
Oh yes.......love it! Neil.
1975 4/4 4 seater, cream over blue; Q3 Quattro; Bicycle; Walking poles.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014 |
I dont know I am not a woman . Should I take that as a compliment? [/quote]
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014 |
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got out his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball", the golfer says.
"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?.
"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief . "I don't want anything,I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize."
And the golfer walks off.
" What a nice guy ", the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him . I'll give him the three things I would want ... a great golf game, all the money he needs, and a fantastic sex life.
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is waiting for him .
"Twas me who that made ye hit the ball here", "the little guy says". " I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic !"the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now".He adds, "By the way it's good to see you're all right".
"Oh I'm fine now , thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game , you know . And tell me how's yer money situation?".
"Why , it's just wonderful!"the golfer states. "When I need cash , I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100bills I didn't even know were their !".
"I did that fer ye also". And tell me ," how's yer sex life?".
The golfer blushes , turns his head away in embarrassment , and says shyly, "Its OK".
C'mon, c'mon now , ' urged the leprechaun , 'Im' wanting to know if I did a good job . "How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
"Once, somtimes twice a week ".
"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock .
"That's all ? Only once or twice a week ?".
"Well," says the golfer,
"I am a Catholic priest in a rather small parish ".
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425
Learner Plates Off!
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Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425 |
What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?
One is a marsupial the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
John
2015 Plus 4 (GDI) Sport Green
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468 |
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425
Learner Plates Off!
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Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425 |
Another reason for the "Great" in Great Britain http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckungdXf6fE
John
2015 Plus 4 (GDI) Sport Green
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014 |
How true , but you should have put a not to look at this near bed time notice  and me can't stop laughing and we need our sleep .
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,413 Likes: 177
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
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Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,413 Likes: 177 |
Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Cranbourne courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached the side of his car.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ..
I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin?
Sh1t... Is it midnight already?'
The court (and the judge) could not contain their mirth.
The Cranbourne Express wrote an article describing this as best come-back line ever.
Graham (G4FUJ)
Sold L44FOR 4/4 Giallo Fly
'09 Gen2 MINI Cooper ragtop
'90 LR 90 SW
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