Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms DAILY HUMOUR

It's like the other Q & A survey

Q= Why are brides dressed in white
A= So they blend in with all the other domestic appliances

A woman writes a note to Santa:

Dear Santa

For Christmas please can I have a slim body and a fat wallet - and don't make the same mistake you made last year.

ZEN TEACHINGS.

1. Do not walk behind me , for I may not lead . Do not walk ahead of me , for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact , just p*ss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you are getting any.

3.No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead , try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in thier shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have thier shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed , skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £10/- and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth , you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some day's you are the dog , some day's you are the tree.

13. Don't worry ; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgement comes from bad experience... And most of that comes from bad judgement.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are many arguments for reasoning with women . None of them work.

17. Generally speaking , you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked , wet and hungry , and get slapped on our ar*e. Then things just get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


I got this off a fellow mog owner , So I am not alone in life.

Some good ones in there Jack

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

It must have taken some guts for Thomas Hitzlsperger to come out and admit that he once played for West Ham.

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.

The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.

They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?