Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

The BBC says "gobble"

Doesn't dipping them in cider aid the gluing process? Had I known of this process I might have brought some home after the last visit to Dorset

There is debate on which gluing technique is used at what time of day- and of course availability of the village Cider which is not sold commercially🤪🤪

In flyfishing there is a “fly” that is called a Dognobbler,
It is often renamed by transposing couple of the letters.
I leave it to you to explore......

From the Birmingham Mail:

Fugitive Hiding In Bushes Gives Himself Away with a Fart

So Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are staying at home

Sounds like the World Cup

Nicola Sturgeon is claiming she doesn't know what "stay alert" means.

As a woman who has previously been in the company of Alex Salmond, that seems very hard to believe.

Maybe they were socially distancing before it was popular?

Don't panic, I've worked it out...
* 4 year olds can go to school but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.
* I can sit in a park, not today, but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.
* I can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe but not two people, so if I know two people from another household I have to pick my favourite. But I can’t go closer than 2m to the one I choose anyway so you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter - unless two people would restrict my eyeline too much and prevent me from being alert.
* I can work all day with my colleagues but I can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.
* I can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day felt like I was some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.
* I can drive to other destinations although which destinations is unclear. I was supposed to be in Brighton this weekend. Can I drive there?
* The buses are still running past our house but I shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.
* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe?
* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.
* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.
* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more. So we don’t have to say at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.
Don’t forget...
Stay alert... which actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.
Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my dog and I can actually see her. Plus I know a bit about dogs and very little about controlling viruses.
Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day.
So there you are. If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.

Brilliant now I understand the rules except if I drift into Scotland, Wales or N Ireland