Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

+1.. Very clever

Excellent!

Another TM Gem, sharp and to the point!

...A countryside policeman stops a Audi Quattro. Five men in.

The policeman told the driver: you must pay a a ticket. You‘re overloaded.

The driver: why in hell I‘m overloaded? The policeman: your papers says: „Quattro“. Quadro means four. You ´re the driver plus four passengers- to much. You have to pay. A discussion starts.

At a point the policeman says: I must have a call to a colleague. He puts his mobile and take a call.

His colleague answers: oh my good, I stuck in trouble... no time for a call! I stop a UNO... with three people in.

René

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

It' s the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

If you' re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I run like the winded.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Even better when written and read in broken English 😆

You can be shure- hard work! Only school english;-)

René

Next week a policeman will stop a DeLorean for speeding yesterday....88mph