Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

Although Jesus was a Carpenter, he never actually sang on any of their albums.

MURPHY,S LAW.

ANYTHING THAT THAT CAN GO WRONG , WILL GO WRONG.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes to the bone.

Never argue with a fool , people , people might not know the difference.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The other queue always moves faster.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought .

The chance of a slice of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet .

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself .

The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before .

A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening .

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

Murphy' golden rule : whoever has the gold makes the rules .

In order to get a loan , you must first prove you don't need it.


MURPHY WAS AN OPTIMIST .


MY LATE MOTHER BOUGHT ME THIS METAL PLAQUE MANY YEARS AGO

IT HANGS UP NEAR THE MOG

I wonder if you used the measure twice, cut once rule ?

Been there. Done that. Quite an impressive place to visit

My friend composes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

Shamelessly lifted from FB.

Was watching the The Repair Shop last night, the leather repair shop had named her Sewing Machine 'Pearl', cos 'Pearl's a Singer'.

Almost missed the Monday Window...

Bill Clinton, George Bush and Donald Trump were set to face a firing squad in a small central American country.

Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out "Earthquake". The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped during the confusion.

George Bush was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and George pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given George yelled out "Tornado". Again the squad fell apart and George slipped over the wall

The last person Donald Trump was placed against the wall. He was thinking, I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall. He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled.
As the rifles were raised in his direction, he grinned from ear to ear and yelled "Fire".

A man who has trained his dog to play the trumpet whilst travelling on the London Underground has said that he went from Barking to Tooting in under an hour.

Doctor ...... your results are fine but I'm afraid your wife's got mixed up with someone else's and we dont know if she's got alzheimers or covid 19

Man ..... that's a problem, what should I do?

Doctor .... well I suggest you take her for a nice long walk and leave her there ... and if she comes home, don't answer the door !

Lovely