Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms joke of the day

JTL . One of your best.

Marriage ( PART 1 )


Typical macho man married good - looking lady , and
after the wedding , he laid down the following rules


I'll be home when i want , if I want
and at what time
I want
and don't expect any hassle from you


I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that i wont be home for dinner
I'll go hunting , fishing , boozing
and card playing
when i want with my old pals
and don't give me a hard time about it
those are the rules
ANY COMMENTS ?

His new bride said;

NO, that's fine with me.
just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night ...

whether you're here or not .


Marriage part (110

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel
on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary .

the husband yells , when you die , i'm
getting you a head stone
that reads 'here lies my husband
STIFF AT LAST

HE ASKED FOR IT

Steve beware you don't wet yourself laughing at this one .



GOLF HIT MAN .


Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of there local
golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, Do you mind if I join you ?
my partner did not turn up .

'Sure, 'they said, 'Y'ou're welcome . So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer .

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer What do you do for a living

I'm a hit man , was his reply

Your joking was his response

No i'm not he said reaching into his golf bag and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight

Here are my tools

That's a beautiful telescopic sight said the other friend , can I take a look

I think I might be able to see my house from here

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house

Yeah I can see my house all right this sight is fantastic I can see right in the window

Wow I can see my wife in the bedroom . HA HA I can see her naked too

He turned to the hit man how much do you charge for a hit.

I'LL do a flat rate for you , one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger

Can you do two for me

Sure what do you want First shoot my wife sh'es always been mouthy , so shoot her in the mouth

Then the neighbour he's a friend of mine so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson

The hit man loaded the rifle and took aim standing perfectly still for a few minutes

Are you going to do it or not ? said the friend impatiently

Just be patient said the hit man calmly I think i can save you a grand.

Get your insurance sorted as you can get insurance for sex in the UK

SO MAKE SURE YOU GET THE CORRECT INSURANCE FOR THE SEX YOU ARE HAVING .
PLEASE FIND A LIST OF COMPANIES BELOW CATERING FOR MOST TASTES .



SEX WITH YOUR WIFE - LEGAL AND GENERAL

SEX WITH A SPANIARD- AVIVA

SEX ON THE TELEPHONE - DIRECT LINE.

SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER

SEX WITH SOMEONE DIFFERENT - GO COMPARE

SEX WITH SOMEONE OF GENEROUS PROPORTIONS MORE THAN.

SEX ON THE BACK SEAT OF A CAR SHEILAS WHEELS

SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE COMMERCIAL UNION.

SEX WITH YOUR MAID EMPLOYERS'S LIABILITY

SEX WITH OAP . SAGA
AND FINALLY

SEX WITH A TRANSVESTITE- CONFUSED.COM.
and finally

Sex with a close relative - Norwich Union ?

Sex with someone on Bake-off - the Pru ?