Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Monday Smiles

I suspect in the off shore country they were printed in, the pronunciation they use makes it correct

I would normally not waste my money but that might tempt me.

I think it's great in an only fools way.

Found the web site but they are only selling the total job lot and not individual items, bum. I was going to take 5 off their hands!

The anti terrorist squad are allegedly searching for Paul Holliwood and Mary Berry as they might have been radicalised and be involved in starting a terror campaign after rumours of removing the TV licence fee that might impact their earnings.

Excatly as expected. Dyllan did it all.

The main street I live by, in Madrid, is large: four lanes. Two each direction, separated by a wide green alley with tall tress and dense bushes in some areas.

It's very common to be driving and suddenly see a head popping out from the bushes looking if any vehicle is coming. Lazy-stupid pedestrians cross through the bushes to avoid walking 20 meters to the appropriate crossing with its traffic light.

About ten years ago, one of these stupid pedestrians popped out from the bushes and crossed in front of a car. He was obviously hit and badly injured. The scared driver crashed against parked cars on the other side of the lanes trying to avoid running over the pedestrian.

Then magic happened. And it was a "scandal" for those baboons, because for the first time in Spain a judge said that the pedestrian was in clear fault, so he had no right for any compensation and on the top of that he had to pay the car's repair. Fantastic!

Now in Spain, I can tell you that pedestrian pay very much attention and think twice before crossing like wild pigs anywhere! They still misbehave, but at least the law really investigates who is faulty, and they don't hesitate to blame on the pedestrians!

However, and as per Alistair's comment, I installed dashcams (front and rear) in the brand new beast we just bought (a massive new Land Rover Defender 110), just in case. Not only for pedestrians. I also believe the dashcams will be soon mandatory to be insured!

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying
"I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.
She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note... After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone...

"She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like"
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote...

"I can see your feet - We're outta bread: be back in five minutes"

Sportster, that's Gold

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to got to Rome! So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental" was the reply "We got a great rate". "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste". "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive but its really a dump".
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope". "That's rich" laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. If you do see him, he'll look like the size of ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it!"
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful" explained the woman. "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand-new planes but it was overbooked so they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And, the hotel was great! They had just finished a 5-million-dollar remodeling job and now its a jewel - the finest hotel in the city! They too were overbooked so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well" muttered the hairdresser" that's all well and good but I know you didn't get to see the Pope!" "Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me".
"Oh really! What did he say?" "He just said 'Who f**ked up your hair?'"

The old ones are the best.