Good Bank Holiday Monday Morning,
50 SHEDS of GREY
The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.
Now, “ Fifty SHEDS Of Grey ” offers a treat for the men.
The book's author Colin Grey recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden ..................... Here are some extracts .... ...
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We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall.
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for the shed.
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She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. ............ Now for the other boot.
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Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.
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“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
“Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos on the shed roof.”
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“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
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“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”
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I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
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“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped.
“Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.
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“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”
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“Are you sure you want this?” I asked.
“When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.”
She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge furniture on eBay.
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“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
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In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
and between her breasts . . . . and trickling down the small of her back .
. . .
She was getting near to the end . . . .
He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . .
Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward s then backward s . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . .
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . ..
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .
She shouted . . . . :
"OK, OK, you smug ba s tard ...... I can't parallel park . . . .You do it "
