Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.

Love you!" she said, and then she got all excited,

She quickly undressed and we had the most amazing s*x ever....

Which is odd because she's never been interested in darts before?

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."

A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught local amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely f*ck all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."


Just makes you bloody proud to be British, dunnit ?

Yes, I liked that one.

+1

A Desert Story


A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry.

Would you like to buy a tie instead? ....... they are only £10.

The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me.

I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you.

If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. “Inshallah.”

Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped......

"They won't let me in without a f------- tie!!"

Cracking !!!!!!!!!!

The little irishman.





A little Irishman goes into an lift, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.



The big guy sees the little Irishman staring up at him, he looks down and says:

'7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 4 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'



The Irishman faints and falls to the floor.



The big guy kneels down and brings him round by shaking him gently and asks if he was ok and why did he faint?

In a weak voice the little guy says, ' Just What EXACTLY did you say to me?'



The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look at me and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me......



I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 2 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.'



The little Irishman says: Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jazus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!'

MELBOURNE CUP JOKE





Perth Radio - Daily Question Competition, to win a CD.


Announcer - "What category question would you like".

Caller - "Sport please".

Announcer - "What's the name of the race that stops this nation?"

Caller - "Aboriginal"

SILENCE

Man talking to landlord in pub -

I was married once, but she was obsessed by Jeremy Kyle.

She watched his show twice a day and kept saying, "I would love to meet that Jeremy Kyle".

So I arranged it for her.

I f***** her sisters.