Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Well JTL you certainly brightened up a Monday

I wish someone would brighten it up out their looking out the window its looks like a dark wet cold night , got all the lights on in the place and its day time . So just reading some jokes to make me laugh. Mog arrived back y/day and its killing me not to be able to go into the garage at get stuck into it to damp to polish . Pillow talk last night with I love your new dash board what did you think of it when you first saw it , It needed a good polish , what , it needed a good polish I could see the lads finger marks on it . You are cracking up , good night. Well she asked !!!!!!!!! .

A British salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan.

Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not , Sir", the clerk told him apologetically , " but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purpose'"

Skeptical but intrigued , the salesman located the machine, inserted £15-00 , stuck his head into the opening , at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl .
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection , which reflected the best haircut of his life .

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, " Manicures, £20-00 .
'Why not?' thought the salesman . He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl .
Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured .

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50p !'
The salesman looked both ways, put 50p in the machine, unzipped his fly , and with some anticipation , stuck his manhood into the opening . When the machine started buzzing the Guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........
which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

A very parsimonious and intensely religious vicar checks into a hotel...

'I'd like a room with a disabled pornographic channel please'

'Weve just got normal porn you sick @&£!&@'

'ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS'

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as “smoke”..

Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very unsightly large wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical components - especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.

And remember: “A gentleman does not motor about after dark.” Joseph Lucas (1842-1903)

He didn't live long 1842-1903.... he must of SMOKED

It was not for nothing that Lucas earned the epithet "Lucas, prince of darkness"

Note logo with broken wire

Loose Unsoldered Connections And Splices.

Better Off Switching Current Healthily