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Old Book
by Morganmike - 21/09/26 07:54 PM
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Forums39
Topics49,940
Posts838,603
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Most Online1,063
Jun 14th, 2026
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There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242 |
Something for Thursday
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and
A smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the
End, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
Announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
Brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
 
Graham
Waking up is a good start to the day !!
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242 |
Short and sweet I love a one liner ... I hope its not factual  
Graham
Waking up is a good start to the day !!
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,333
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,333 |
The misses as just come home in a right state, I said how did you end up like that, she said I've been Graped, I said you mean Raped. She said no there was a BUNCH of them  
Last edited by Dean-Royal; 28/11/12 09:36 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242 |
The misses as just come home in a right state, I said how did you end up like that, she said I've been Graped, I said you mean Raped. She said no there was a BUNCH of them O please !! how old is that one 
Graham
Waking up is a good start to the day !!
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,333
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,333 |
The misses as just come home in a right state, I said how did you end up like that, she said I've been Graped, I said you mean Raped. She said no there was a BUNCH of them O please !! how old is that one Just because i said it first 
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,015 Likes: 1
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,015 Likes: 1 |
Having read 50 shades of grey a Welsh guy persuades his girl friend to try anal sex for the first time
He say's " If it hurts too much , yell the safety word twice and I'll stop
She say's what's the safety word?".
" Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantysiliogogogoch. "
A mummy covered in choclate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
........Archaeolgists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS boy"
and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel !!!!.
Two Indian junkies accidently snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
both in hospital.. one's in a korma.. the other's got a dodgy tikka!.
To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Mddleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs.
Last edited by Jack The Lad; 29/11/12 02:38 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,015 Likes: 1
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,015 Likes: 1 |
Dave is browsing in a pet shop and see's a parrot sitting on a perch .
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
"Jeeps", he wonders aloud. " Whatever happened to this parrot".
The parrot say's " I was born this way . I'm a defective parrot".
"Sheesh Dave replies "You actually answered me! Oh Boy!.
"Of course. I happen to be a highly intelligent bird and thoroughly educated as well".
"Oh Yeah? Then how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"This is so embarrassing" the parrot says, " but since you ask, I wrap my willy around the wooden bar like a little hook.You can't see it because of my feathers".
"Wow" says Dave " You really can understand and speak English can't you ?."
"Actually I speak both Spanish and English. I listen to the radio and can converse on almost any topic .
You really ought to buy me I'd be a great companion.
"Dave looks at the price tag £2000/- and knew he couldn't afford that, but the parrot said "I'm defective, no one wants me, So offer £20/-". Dave did and was delighted to walk out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational he has a great sense of humour, he's interesting insightful, and a great pal.
Dave comes home from work one night and the parrot whispers in his ear.
"I dont know if I should tell you this, it's about your wife and the postman ".
"What the heck are you talking about?"
Demands Dave.
"When the postman delivered the mail today,
your wife greeted him at the door in her best nightie ".
"WHAT???" Dave asks.
"THEN what happened?."
"Well, then the postman came right into the house, lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over", reported the parrot.
"NO!" Dave exclaims. And she let him?".
"Yes. Then he continued taking off her nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over..."
Dave, the poor frantic guy demands,
" THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know .I got a hard on
and fell off my perch!"
Last edited by Jack The Lad; 29/11/12 03:03 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242 |
The misses as just come home in a right state, I said how did you end up like that, she said I've been Graped, I said you mean Raped. She said no there was a BUNCH of them O please !! how old is that one Just because i said it first You got me crazy now  so hears mine A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy b' tard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
Graham
Waking up is a good start to the day !!
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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