Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Are you lot going to carry on with these burger jokes furlong ?

I heard today that Liverpool have announced that they've sold Andy Carroll to Tesco for an undisclosed sum.

A minister was completing a temperance sermon . With great emphasis he said,

" If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river".

With even greater emphasis he said ,

"And if I had all the wine in the world , I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally , shaking his fist in the air he said,"

"And if I had all the whiskey in the world , I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete , he sat down...

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced,
With a smile, nearly laughing , "For our closing song ".

Let us sing Hymn no 365,"SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER".




SEE YOU AT THE RIVER !
Bring your own glass

NAH

Ok.....
I told my mum I was going to make a car out of spaggetti. She didn't believe me until I drove pasta......

I've heard tesco also sell a new range of pies....
made with piebald horsemeat!

Horse meat found in Tesco Burgers..... Camel Toe found in Primark Leggings

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:




You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There a re six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs




She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.


'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'




So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:


Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.




'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:



Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.


'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'



Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.




She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.



The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited..

Excellent Steve; you're on form this evening




Bud

_________
2003 - 4/4

Leaving work early


Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.

After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?



The brunette was thrilled to be home early...she did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.



The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.



The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!

Gently she closed the door and crept out of the house.



The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said that they planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.



No way! the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"