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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
I was sat on a bus coming home and a gorgeous bird next to me started feeding her baby. The baby wouldnt take it so she said "come on eat it all up or i'll give to this nice man !"
About 10 mins later, the baby's still not feeding so she says again "eat it all up or i'll give to the nice man" so i said " Listen love, can you hurry up and make your f###ing mind up, i should of got off 4 stops ago!!
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242 |
Graham
Waking up is a good start to the day !!
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209
OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
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OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209 |
NEW POEM BY PAM AYRES
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos tits can be such
troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a
friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
Pass on to all your female girlfriends of a certain age and to any
males of that age, who you think can handle it (especially those with
chesticles!)
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,827 Likes: 4
le Asbo du Bling Talk Morgan Addict
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le Asbo du Bling Talk Morgan Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,827 Likes: 4 |
I was sat on a bus coming home and a gorgeous bird next to me started feeding her baby. The baby wouldnt take it so she said "come on eat it all up or i'll give to this nice man !"
About 10 mins later, the baby's still not feeding so she says again "eat it all up or i'll give to the nice man" so i said " Listen love, can you hurry up and make your f###ing mind up, i should of got off 4 stops ago!! Funniest thing I've read on TM to date. Dean-Royal takes a bus 
Slowly going green
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
I can speak a little Serbian, Female interviewer says "When i interviewed the British Priminster here last week he got a big fright when i informed him i don't wear knickers". Serbian Priminister:- yes when he was at my house he fell off his chair whilst eating lunch when my wife did the same as you have just done. 
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,363
Talk Morgan Guru
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Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,363 |
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Centre. After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano It was time for the Star of the Show - Claude the Hypnotist!Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket A beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.
"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations"
Said Claude.He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting "Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch"The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch… And then, Suddenly, The chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"
"SH1T'" said Claude.It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Centre
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
Don't you get sick of all that lying - Bankers, Politicians we expect but a cyclist come on now, I am seriously begin to doubt he ever set foot on the Moon now ...
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Don't you get sick of all that lying - Bankers, Politicians we expect but a cyclist come on now, I am seriously begin to doubt he ever set foot on the Moon now ... Amsterdam is a bit like the Tour de France....full of people on bikes high on drugs 
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
NEW POEM BY PAM AYRES
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres
I've always been a big fan of the great Pam Ayres, and that one is a cracker
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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You know it makes sense! 
