Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Nice one Graham, hehehehehe

Tony

A Glaswegian was getting married and couldn't decide whether to be dressed in a kilt or in trews.
He discussed the matter with the man in the outfitters who asked: "Well, what is the tartan?"
The Glaswegian responded: "Oh, she'll be in white."

Winter boots

Winter Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this) Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. But my Mum made me wear 'em today.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'
He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She'll be eligible for parole in three years.

I was on a train this morning, in the loo.having a tomtit, when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please?"


"Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a tomtit."


"I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."


"No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn!"

Everyone's a comedian nowadays.

Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid a gag!

When he radioed dispatch and said "It's Houston, we have a problem!"

Incoming

South African police have installed state of the art technology outside the bail address of Oscar Pistorius to ensure he doesn't leave.

A cattle grid.

You are all very naughty boys but I am still loving it. Long live British humour and to hell with all the P.C. people.

Reg

I'm here for a good time not a long time

I am not laughing, honestly, i'm not. thats rude. thats terrible.