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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5,366 Likes: 15
Charter Member
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Charter Member
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5,366 Likes: 15 |
Two Blonds are walking along either side of a river. No1 calls across to No2 and says "how do you get to the other side"
No2 calls back saying " you are already on the other side"
Here for a good time not a long time!!
Reg
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
I'm here for a good time not a long time In bed by 9...home by 10! 
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209
OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
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OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209 |
"If you'd had a tin of black shoe-polish you could have blacked her up and got away with it" I said to Oscar Pistorious laughing. Then I realised it was in bad taste, why would he have a tin of shoe polish.
Tony
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
A man had just boarded and settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to sh1t all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that.
So he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209
OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
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OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209 |
The Hooker
Leroy and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that
she'll try being a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Leroy says,
"Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy.
Tell him you charge a hundred dollars. Any questions and I'll be parked around the corner."
She stands outside the bar for about five minutes showing her leg, when a
guy pulls up and asks "How much?
"She says, "A hundred dollars."
He replies, "All I got is thirty."
She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Leroy and asks, "What now.
What can he get for thirty?"
"A hand job," Leroy replied.
So, she runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand
job.
He agrees and she gets in the car. He unzips his trousers, and out pops his
HUGE WILLIE.
She stares at it for a few seconds, and then says. "I'll be right back."
She runs back to Leroy. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"Any chance you could lend this guy seventy dollars?"
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
Silent Fart
An elderly couple Shannon & Ken were recently attending a church service at
their retirement village.
.
About halfway through the service, Shannon took a pen and paper out of
her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Ken.
The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should
do?"
Ken scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
Medical Advise
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing, don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try f***ing in bed 'cause it can save you valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesteral level.
SO, REMEMBER ..
Fasting is good for your health
and may God cleanse your dirty mind..
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,607 Likes: 14
Part of the Furniture
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Part of the Furniture
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,607 Likes: 14 |
A man had just boarded and settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to sh1t all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that.
So he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.' This is the first thing to make my wife laugh since her mum dies two weeks ago. Well done.
Steve A11OGE Red 1989 4/4 4 seater
'A Morgan is for life, not just for Sundays'
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
Steve I'm so pleased mate - give her a cuddle from me if appropriate - thanks.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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