Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Brazilian by any chance

Elton John goes to into his doctor's office and has some test's done .
The doctor return's and say's , Elton , I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have Aid's ".
Elton is devastated . " Doc, what can I do ?. "
Doc say's " Eat one sausage , one head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers, 3 raw chilli's , 40 walnut's 40 peanut's , all topped off with 1/2 box of All Bran cereal , washed down with a litre of prune juice ".
Elton ask's , " Will that cure me , Doc ?. "
Doc say's , "No but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your arse is for......"

Following the success of the documentary "The Man With The 10 Stone Testicles" Channel 4 are to commission a programme about Coleen Rooney called "The Woman With The 15 Stone C**t."

Should have kept the candles in the wind

After all this time Andy Murray has done it!

He's proved a Scottish man in shorts can stand in the sun for 4 hours without getting sunburned

Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.

Why I am Divorced ?

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning .

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday".
and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out , he barely said good morning ,
let alone " Happy Birthday".

I thought ..well , that's marriage for you,
but the kid's.... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..

So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent .

As I walked into my office,
my handsome boss Rick , said,
Good Morning , lady ,
and by the way "Happy Birthday".


I felt a little better
that someone had remembered .

I worked till one o'clock ,
when Rick knocked on my door and said, " You know its such a beautiful day outside ,
and its your birthday ,
what do you say we go out for lunch ,
just you and me".

I said , "Thank's, Rick ,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day . Let's go! ".

We went to lunch .
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and enjoyed the meal tremendously .

On the way back to the office ,
Rick said, " You know, it's such a beautiful day...
we dont need to go straight back to the office , do we?".

I responded, " I guess not.
What have you got in mind?"
He said, " Let's drop into my place , it's just round the corner".

After arriving at his house,
Rick turned to me and said, "If you don't mind ,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment .
I'll be right back".
"Ok . " I nervously replied".

He went into the bedroom and , after a couple of minutes
he came out carrying a huge cake...
followed by my husband , my kids , and dozens of my friends and co-worker's all singing " Happy Birthday " .

And I just sat their ...


on the couch......


Naked.

Driving past a jail, I saw a very small prisoner climbing down a wall.
He turned and sneered at me, I thought "that's a little condescending"

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that....

.............the squaw
of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
hides.

Recommend you don't try this at home unless your wife/girlfriend has a very, very good sense of humour or you have a good divorce lawyer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9phImxpG50