Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Phone rings, woman answers.


The Pervert, breathing heavily, says, " Hello darling I bet you have a tight a*se with no hair?"





Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching the football - who shall I say is calling?"

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities but feared her enough to maintain silence .

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank,
a new member, of being an alcholic
after she saw his old pick up parked
in front of the town's bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank ( and several others ) that everyone seeing it their would know what he was doing !

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away.
He didn't explain, defend , or deny.
He said nothing...

Later that evening , Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home......and left it their all night.

You gotta love Frank!.

Funniest video I have seen in a long time - misheard lyrics!
Very clever!

[video:youtube]www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv2fVaHSISw[/video]

Oh Richard what have you done to me! New keyboard please.
Brilliant!

It is a classic.

I love Peter Kay's humour; and unlike a lot of comics it doesn't tend to be at the expense of someone else.

I fully agree his book "The Sound of Laughter" is a joy to read about a "normal" person having a "normal" childhood. Plus it is very funny!

That is a really funny book, put me in the mind of Clive James's early books so full of normal funny life with no insults or rudery. This seems a bit of a rarity these days but very refreshing to read.

Richard thanks Jnr just came in with a face of thunder . Uni over and she had to go and see someone the man was dressed like a tramp as rude as a drunk and as thick as a plank . I told her in advance beware this is now the real world thicken your skin quick and let it sail past . I sat her infront of Peter Kay and she started to laugh.

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and Fred had a date with Peggy SUE.

He arrived at her house and wrang the bell .

"Oh come on in !" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in .

" Have a seat in the living room . Would you like something to drink ?.

Lemonade? Tea?"

"Tea, please", Fred said . Mum brought the tea.

" So what are you and Peggy planning tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably watch a film , and them maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar , maybe take a walk on the beach".

" Peggy likes to screw, you know". Mum informed him.

"Really?" Fred replied; eyebrows raised.

" Oh yes", mother continued, " When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!".

" Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous ,
"Yes", said the mother.

"As a matter of a fact , she'd screw all night if we let her!".

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy pony tail.

She greated Fred.

"Have fun, kid's!" mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mum !" she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.

"The dance is called the ....Twist!".

I read that to John and we almost had to help each other up off the floor