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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 2,774
Talk Morgan Expert
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Talk Morgan Expert
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 2,774 |
At a motivational seminar, three men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
Steve
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,748 Likes: 419
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,748 Likes: 419 |
JohnV6
2022 CX Plus Four
2025 MG ZS EV aka Trigger
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
NEVER MIND THE QUALITY - an extract from The Times today.
Gordon Brown's stand-up career continues.
On Saturday, the former prime minister returned to Edinburgh University, his alma mater, where he reflected on his brief time as a lecturer. "I found that universities stand for integrity, objectivity, impartiality for the search for truth and the pursuit of knowledge," he said.
"These were all qualities I had to leave behind when I went into politics."
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,774 Likes: 468 |
100 years hence……………
Barak Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.
They both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barak goes first.
“What will the USA be like in 100 years time?” The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out
"The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existent, There is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”
David thinks “It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that” so he asks, “What will England be like in 100 years time?”
The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.
“Come on David,” says Barak, “what does it say?”
David replies, “Buggered if I know! It's not in English!”
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,337
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,337 |
A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person" report for his missing wife:
Husband :-I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn’t come home
Inspector :-What is her height?
Husband :-I don’t know, I’ve never checked
Inspector :-Slim or healthy?.
Husband :-Not slim, can’t be healthy.
Inspector :-Colour of eyes?
Husband :-Could be hazel or maybe brown
Inspector :-Colour of hair?
Husband :-Changes according to season.
Inspector :-What was she wearing?
Husband :-Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector :-Was she driving?
Husband :-yes.
Inspector :-colour of the car? . . . . .
Husband :-black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door………………….and then the husband started crying...
Inspector:-Don't worry sir,.....We will find your car.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Too true 
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 190
L - Learner Plates On
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L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 190 |
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO DALLAS, WHEN A REDHEAD IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE REDHEAD THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE REDHEAD REPLIES: "I'M A REDHEAD, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO DALLAS AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A REDHEAD SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT SHE BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE REDHEAD AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE REDHEAD REPLIES: "I'M A REDHEAD, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO DALLAS AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS REDHEAD WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS: "YOU SAY SHE IS A REDHEAD? I'LL HANDLE THIS; I'M MARRIED TO A REDHEAD. I SPEAK REDHEAD." HE GOES BACK TO THE REDHEAD AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS: "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. THE PILOT SAYS: "I TOLD HER: "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO DALLAS ..." I too am married to a REDHEAD and have learned to speak the language. 
Past The City Limits
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Also available in blond!
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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