Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

What do you get if you cross a man with a crocodile?
Looks like they are experimenting.....

That photo reminds me...
I was hungry so stopped in the services.
I ordered.
“I would like a crocodile sandwich but am in a hurry so make it snappy!”

....maybe it's his satellite alligator.

Maybe it's going to be his Ali Gator for his suspension.

He is a snappy dresser.
Could it be the original Gatorade?

My younger brother, the one that spent a good part of his youth stoned, was stranded in outback Australia whilst hitchhiking from Somewhere to Nowhere. He was starting to get a bit hungry so decided to cut himself a kangaroo steak off a fresh roadkill. So he started hacking away and a voice behind him said "What do you're doin'". A bit embarrassed he started to explain he was hungry. "Well" said the tramps "that's obvious, but take my tip; there's another roo over there that a couple of days old and nicely aged." My brother reckoned that the old guy probably knew a thing or two and decided to take his advice.

Good story Peter I'm partial to roo steaks Lidl sell them here and they are nice and tender on the BBQ, not too keen on the croc steaks though..

Where my Son lives down Cornwall enroute to work is a fast road by Newquay airport and he has rich pickings of pheasants there.

Teacher: why did you laugh.?
Boy: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: GET OUT. No class for you for a week.
Another boy laughs...
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw both straps.
Teacher: GET OUT. No class for you for a month.
She bends down to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out...
Teacher: Johnny why are you leaving.?
Johnny: with what I just saw I think my school days are over.
***************
Doctor Doctor I've got five penises!
How do your trousers fit?
Like a glove.

A cannibal got home from work and found his wife chopping up a python and a 3' 6" man.

"What's for dinner ?" he asked

"It's your favourite" she replied" snake and pygmy pie"
***************
Two cannibals having dinner.

"Your wife makes great soup" said one

"Yes, she does" said the other "but I am really going to miss her"

My Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought Henry was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, Nothing.'
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour.
I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep; I cried.
I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.



My Diary:

Morgans got a strange rattle