Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand ??
ANSWER:

Kermit's undivided attention!


What do men and a tile have in common?

If you lay them right the first time
You can walk all over them the rest of your life !

one for the Ladies

As seen today in Trimley St Martin.

Mixed messages

Just spent £300 on a limo and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.

I like that one

Shamelessly stolen for Facebook

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They
would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.

So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'


Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.

So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said:

"Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start..."

Very good

Me : I want to divorce my wife.
Lawyer : On what grounds?
Me : She's out all night, every night, going from bar to bar.
Lawyer : Are you saying she's an alcoholic or do you think she's cheating?
Me : No, she's looking for me.

I remember that joke from the 1980's when it was hockey balls and the Irish Prime Minister.