Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

Sorted. When Jess goes shopping, she knows I hate it, so I drop her off outside and she pootles around the store on her electric wheelchair. I read my Kindle in the car until she is ready at the cashout.

Bob you have got it easy . informed me this m/ing when I woke up I had screamed in my sleep about 2am and woke her up. Can only be 1 of 2 things . Someone has touched the Mog in a nightmare or I have lost a 10 bob note out of my wallet . Must go and look .
Shopping and Jnr have been planing behind my back PHEW THANK GOD. Jnr gets married this year and they shot away at the crack of dawn to look for shoes etc . A full day going into every shop and they say I am crazy. They are like 2 kids at Christmas . Bet you a pint they will say ," wish we had got the other ones . ( That's there excuse for another trip. )

NOT FOR WOMEN AND THE NARROW MINDED




Joe wanted to buy a motorbike , he doesn't have much luck, until one day, He comes across a Harley with a "For Sale" on it.

The bike looks better than a new one although it is 10 years old .

Its shiny and in mint condition .

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 year.

Well its quite simple says the seller, whenever the bike is outside and its gonna rain , rub Vaseline on the chrome it protects it from the rain and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline .


That night , his girl friend , Sandra, invites him to meet her parents . Naturally, they take the bike there.
Just before they enter the house Sandra stops him and says. "I have to tell you something about my family .
When we eat we don't talk . In fact the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes . "No problem" He says.... and in they go.
Joe is shocked .
Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes . In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes , on the stairs they are put both sides and in the corridor . Everywhere he looks dirty dishes .


They sit down to Dinner and sure enough , no one say's a word . Joe decides to take advantage of the situation .
He leans over and kisses Sandra
No one says a word.
He reaches over and fondles her breasts nobody says a word .
So he stands up grabs her rips her clothes off , throws her on the table and has stunning sex right in front of her parents . His girl friend is a little flustered , her dad is obviously livid . He sits back down . But no one says a word.
He looks at the mother . She has a great body too . Joe grabs bends her over the table pulls down her knickers and and gives her the best sex in her life on the table . She has a huge orgasm and Joe sits down
His girlfriend is furious , her dad is boiling and mum is beaming from ear to ear . But still silence .
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain .
Joe remembers his bike , so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket . Suddenly the Father shouts .
@ I'LL DO THE DAMN DISHES".

Okay, it turns out my mind isn’t as narrow as I thought, that was funny.

That was sent to me by a 90 year old chap we keep an eye on . Once a miner so humour played a big part they could be killed anytime . My mates dad was .

A bloke goes to the dentist and says:
"I keep feeling like a moth."
The dentist replies:
"That sounds like a mental health problem. I'm a dentist."
The bloke says:
"I know you're a dentist."
The dentists says:
"Well why did you come in here then?"
The bloke replies:
"The light was on."

Chap walks into the library:

"Have you got that book 'How To Live With A Small Penis?"

"It isn't in yet"

"Yes, that's the one".

Ken Dodd: I haven't spoken to my mother in law for 18 months,.........well, I don't like to interrupt.

Seen regularly a round Torquay.