Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

You make me sick with your bulimia jokes.

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother
and bursts into her Grandpa's room.


"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly,
"As soon as Mummy comes into the room, please make a noise like a frog!"


"What?" said her Grandpa.


"Make a noise like a frog - because
Mummy said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land!"

A café opened up named Espresso Bongo.
They hired a drummer to drum up trade.

how do we know that Owls are wise ?
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have you ever seen Kentucky Fried Owl

At a local Steakhouse.....
A foursome came in and one of the girls had a face like she really wished she was somewhere else.
Anyway orders were being taken and when the waiter looked at her she said

'I am a vegan,What can i get?'

The waiter didnt falter and replied

'A Taxi?'

A new pie shop has opened locally.
It is open 22/7

A man is driving his TVR down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My TVR broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reach for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks “May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

As a Morgan owner do you automatically qualify for the “Inner Circle”? They apparently meet at the Pie Shop....at 3.14 too

Giles. You are almost as politically correct as my undertaker friend!

He came into the cafe this morning, looked around and loudly announced.
“Come on you lot. Are you all still here? I need to get my holiday booked.”

Every so often I see our local undertaker, an acquaintance who has his office not far from where we live. He often comments that when he sees me I am always on the go, I tell him "That's better than the alternative!"

When I get to work in the morning the guys invariably say "I see you woke up again today"