Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.

I just phoned the Tinnitus Helpline.
Bloody pointless, no one answered.
It just kept Ringing!

Got some sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after just one indiscretion. The Board found out he slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of time, training & money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

Police knocked on my door and said where were you between 4 and 6?
I said infants school.

The man who created hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has died.
RIP Scott Chegg

My mate's Mrs. left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back! I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."

It's my wife's birthday soon and she has been leaving jewelry catalogues all over the house, so I've bought her a magazine rack.

Due to a spelling error on my letter to Santa, I spent an awkward Christmas Day in 1966 with an man from Acton.

Excellent, I nearly spat my tea out over the vet one

^^^^^^^^^
I once had an awesome Christmas Day....instead of sending a letter to Lapland it went to a Lapdance place.


Re the vet...... he was NOT Welsh, despite reputations.
Welsh vets are trained well
“Never be a baaaaad boy”
“You mutton do those things”

Hooter in Milwaukee comes to mind. The locals wanted me to watch the Greenbay Packers with a plastic cheese on my head at -20c for 4 hrs. I opted for a few micro breweries & Hooters downtown.

The bottom line will be a case of what is an acceptable level for
a) infection rate
b) serious illness rate
c) death rate.
We accept the annual flue epidemic with its associated health repercussions. However, we have flu vaccines unlike Covid 19 so far.
If/when we get one then that will be a real game changer. Until then who is prepared to set a, b, or c above? It will take a politician with big cahoonas to do so using data to set out the risk level.
Until then we are in for more of the same. A predicted second wave is starting with resultant restrictions being brought back.
I have started seeing newer stats re infection spread that is more specific re age, location, severity. In the England hotspots the trend is increases in the younger age group that then, after a short lag, spread to older groups.
Deaths are mainly in older age groups with the odd exception elsewhere. Not enough yet on long Covid health problems.
So, should there be more targeting of younger groups? As Christmas approaches very large significant numbers of students will return home from hotspot areas. Should they be tested and cleared first? A relatively easy option via their University. This is a predictable event that could so easily be managed to prevent high infection ages fro carrying infection home. Would they self isolate when home? Evidence suggests otherwise.
Christmas is going to be a problem anyway for everyone.

Sospan, I didn't find the joke unless it was Doris.

It’s the way he tells ‘em

Probably supposed to be in the "Lockdown" thread...

I think the joke was possibly in the oxymoron " It will take a politician with big cahoonas "

I think it drifted here from the Lockdown thread. Very fishy.