Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tales from The Colonies

This is a bit of a 'spin off' from John( JtL)'s post on the Modena Pics thread. I didn't want to hijack that thread but this is ( IMHO at least) a story worth telling, so here goes ( Could I also add that to this day I don't know whether it was true because the teller- as those of you who know him will be aware- has the abilty to keep a very straight face when he wants to.)

Like a few people on TM, I use the Duncans for my work on the MOG. I was at Hartlebury one day picking the car up and Mike and I got chatting about the fact that he used to make regular trips to Borth( just outside Aberystwyth) in his three wheeler. The conversation then evolved to discuss Mke's grandfather(I think) who wasn't too keen on we Welshmen.

When Mike's grandfather died, the family decided that his grave would be marked by a very handsome slate headstone. The headstone was finally delivered and looked very impressive. UNTIL one of the family members made the point that it was WELSH slate.

A great deal of animated discussion then ensued,( presumably accompanied by the sounds of somebody truning in their grave!) solved only when the stone was taken away and replaced by another item which the family could be sure had not come from over the border!!
I haven't asked Mike's permission to tell this story, but I just found it so amusing I couldn't resist!!
regards,

G

Nowt as funny as folk . Just come back from Alnwick FOOD & BEER fair while walking about a well known to others but not me good looking French TV chef winked at me he had kisses for £1/- written on the rear of his white jacket for charity , he is still a quid short . Dont know what was going on in his head . Drove to Tynemouth for a walk went in a cafe for a coffee . Off to the gent's Loo and had to take my turn in the small hall with another bloke . The loo was taken the door opened and out came a cracking looking girl the bloke and me looked at each other and he pointed to the little chap on the door . Maybe she can't read I thought who know's .

Once went into a pub toilet at Uni only to find a young woman stood up peeing in the urinals. Didnt bother her but it did put some of the men off their stride.

There are three men in the bathroom -- two Englishmen and an Australian -- all at the stalls. The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves he says to no one in particular, “In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.”
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean. Before leaving, he says to no one in particular, “At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.”
The third man, the Aussie, zips up and walks over to the door. Before leaving he mumbles under his breath, “In Australia, we learn not to piss on our hands.”

Its that old school boy poem humour in my head . No mater how hard you shake your peg that last couple of dribbles always run down your leg , how true.

Paddy and his misses live on a farm, no elecricity or mains power for 50 years.
Paddy goes of to visit Dublin, walking passed a shop he looks in a mirror and thinks Jesus, a picture of my father.
Paddy takes the Mirrir home but decides to hang it in one of the sheds.
Night after night he visits the Mirror to see his reflection and say hello to his dad.
His misses thinking that he disappears every night he must be having an affair.
She visits the shed looks in the mirror and says
Jesus thats the old slag he's been seeing

it's a cracker

Jaysus -- I've got one of them things here in Wexford too, but it only shows a picture of a miserable fat bast**d when I look into it

My first serious girlfriend/wife/divorce used to say "No matter how much you wriggle and dance the last drop always ends up in your pants"