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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,416 Likes: 178
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
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Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,416 Likes: 178 |
Graham (G4FUJ)
Sold L44FOR 4/4 Giallo Fly
'09 Gen2 MINI Cooper ragtop
'90 LR 90 SW
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
arriving home at 7pm after a hard slogg round Scotland today, iam greeted at the door by little one. Dad its friday!! AND You said i could put a joke on TM OK let me get in the door She will be wanting to drive the Max next  ....bless
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014
Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
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Posting Desperado Talk Morgan Guru
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,014 |
You are lucky she greated you when she gets older its your wallet she will great. Mine phoned me the other day to tell me she has put her Christmas list up funny I have just bought her one and sent it last week she said that does not count its not christmas . 
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
My name is Charlotte, i am 9, my Dad said i could put one of my jokes on here. Teacher: Johnny, can you give me a sentence with a direct object? Johnny: You're beautiful,sir. teacher: Thanks Johnny,but what was the object? Johnny: A good report at the end of term.  Excellent Charlotte You have a very funny Daddy who makes us all laugh as well. 
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
The Deaf Wife Problem
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-Ray feared his wife Sandra wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
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-Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
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-The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
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-'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears
you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
-response.'
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-That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
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-No response.
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-So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Sandra, what's for dinner?'
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-Still no response.
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-Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
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-Again he gets no response.
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-So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
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-Again there is no response..
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-So he walks right up behind her. 'Sandra, what's for dinner?'
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-'For F*** sake, Ray , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
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-THIS IS A TYPICAL MALE FOR YOU, ALWAYS BLAME THE WIFE.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
Pensioner's reply re Tesco
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO?s
store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's a**e and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from TESCO?s. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
daft things to say.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
Pensioner's reply re Tesco
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO?s
store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's a**e and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from TESCO?s. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
daft things to say.
Brilliant. I love it.
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
He's ideal - where has he been hiding.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,242 |
East London boy done good and very funny. Check this out: Ordering a Pizza in 2015 This is hilarious, but the scary part about it is that it's probably not too far away from being reality. Want to know how to order a pizza in 2015? Click the link and see. Turn up the volume, listen closely and watch the pointer! http://aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf 
Graham
Waking up is a good start to the day !!
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