|
Forums34
Topics48,337
Posts812,931
Members9,203
| |
Most Online1,046
Aug 24th, 2023
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 190
L - Learner Plates On
|
L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 190 |
The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"Love you!" she said, and then she got all excited,
She quickly undressed and we had the most amazing sex ever....
Which is odd because she's never been interested in darts before?
No Morgan yet...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 477
Learner Plates Off!
|
|
Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 477 |
One more for 9 year olds. Exam question.
Name 3 drawbacks of hedgerow removal.
1. All the cows will escape.
2. The cars will drive into the fields.
3. There is nowhere to hide.
How high is mount Everest?
Depends how much snow has fallen.
Define Heavy industry.
A factory that sells tons.
Dave
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,773 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
|
|
OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,773 Likes: 468 |
Mathematics:
An olde but worth a rerun.
This comes from 2 maths teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. Experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..
It goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they
Are giving more than 100%? We have all been
To those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
|
|
Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
Mathematics:
An olde but worth a rerun.
This comes from 2 maths teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. Experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..
It goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they
Are giving more than 100%? We have all been
To those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
My elder daughter is going to LOVE this one. The "I'm going to give it 110%" is a real bugbear of hers, and is guaranteed to have her shouting at the telly.
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,773 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
|
|
OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,773 Likes: 468 |
Math teachers talking about percentages above the base unit is when I lost faith in learning from them. For me they clearly had failed to grab a fundamental principle, or is it just me 
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,414 Likes: 177
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
|
|
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,414 Likes: 177 |
Definitely not (just you, I mean  ).
Graham (G4FUJ)
Sold L44FOR 4/4 Giallo Fly
'09 Gen2 MINI Cooper ragtop
'90 LR 90 SW
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 477
Learner Plates Off!
|
|
Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 477 |
I am not going to ruin my Saturday by bringing back bad memories but shall focus on the good ones (of which there were many)and be thankful that I am, in Monty Python terms...an Ex-Teacher!
Dave
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,414 Likes: 177
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
|
|
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,414 Likes: 177 |
Not nailed to the lectern then?? 
Graham (G4FUJ)
Sold L44FOR 4/4 Giallo Fly
'09 Gen2 MINI Cooper ragtop
'90 LR 90 SW
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
|
|
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
I bought a new puppy Dog last year for xmas....it died yesterday.!! i just want to give you all a little bit of advise. > > > > > adjust his collar as he grows. 
Last edited by Dean-Royal; 01/12/12 08:32 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
|
|
Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
I bought a new puppy Dog last year for xmas....it died yesterday.!! i just want to give you all a little bit of advise. > > > > > adjust his collar as he grows. Similar to this old gem... A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbour was also a chicken farmer. The neighbour came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens." The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbour dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbour said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbour stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbour asked, "What went wrong?" The new farmer said, "Well, I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or too close together."
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
|
|
|
|
|
