Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

V good..... I was wondering how it would end!

With a punchline, maybe?

DEAR SANTA


Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

*

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried
all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want
you toget fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.*

Merry Christmas,*

Santa Claus***

* *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract,

set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way
clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn
this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a
jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is
a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria,

need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no
way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal
action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's
have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and
will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the
exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your
social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought
my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys
and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game
console,my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

* *


Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously???
You think a dude that breaks into every house in the
world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe?
"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got
your dermot wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's
pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you
asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That's what I thought you little bastard.

Santa

Brilliant .......just what i end up saying to the kids really

That really the best man. Gimme five.

Top notch TTC.

For those who enjoy Aussie culture, (as I do) it slightly puts me in mind of Kevin Bloody Wilson's song Santa Claus you xxxx. DON'T CLICK THIS LINK IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY BAD LANGUAGE ETC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElPs9NLZoUY

Aussie culture? I was once told that the difference between Australia and a yoghurt is that if you leave the yoghurt long enough you get a culture...........

Neil.

Never heard of Kevin Bloody Wilson -so had to look him up.

This short interview gives a quick insight and I found it very funny.

Again - swearing so don't watch if you don't like bad language.

http://youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=bgCNa2HCg74#/watch?feature=related&v=bgCNa2HCg74

OLD IS WHEN.....
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking


OLD IS WHEN.....
An all nighter means not getting up for a pee .


Old is when.....
Getting a little action means I dont need to take any fibre today.


OLD IS WHEN .....
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot....