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You can’t make it up

Subject: Thomas Cook Complaints

From Thomas Cook Holidays listing some of their UK clientele’s genuine complaints.


1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be
banned."

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

7. "The beach was too sandy."

8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

10. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

12. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

13. "There was no egg-slicer in the apartment."

14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

15. "The roads were uneven.."

16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home."

17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

18. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers -- will we be OK staying there?"

19. "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad."

20. "We had to queue outside with no air-conditioning."

21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

22. "I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite."

23. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room.
We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we
booked."

They walk amongst us and they vote!!! Be afraid! Be very afraid!

When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different.


A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9 opened it.
"Is your mum or dad home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town" said the boy. "How about

your brother, Howard? Is he in?" asked the farmer. "No, he went with Mum and Dad" the boy

answered. The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and

mumbling to himself. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give

Dad a message" said the boy. "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk

to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzy pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges

£700 for the bull and £50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Recipe for the Perfect Cuppa....

Experts tell us that the best way to make a perfect cup of tea is to agitate the bag.

So, every morning I shout,

'Two sugars, fat ar*e!'

Somehow, I have a feeling your doesn't read this forum??

This is a shed isn't it ????

The Morgan, Bellringing and TM are acouple of my sheds -what are yours ?

This is thread drift. Shouldn't we open a new thread to cover virtual sheds?

Now Dave - excuse me but if anyone on here knows how much I like drifting my Morgan you do, so it's bled over a bit that's all

Not for those who struggle with PC

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort". The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's

Dave - Back on track - drifting