Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide , they have weekly husbands'
Marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was
approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed

to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to
treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka
her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all
the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife
for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."


The Enda

On Monday morning the Postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow Derek, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night, the Postman comments.

Derek, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.

We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.'

The Postman thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'family jewels'showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.'

The Postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun. I'm sorry I missed that.' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Derek responded.

'Your name came up seven times...

'Three Cornish Kick Rule'


An English lawyer went duck hunting in Truro . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what the hell he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." To which the indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in England and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes here in Cornwall. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer shook his head and asked, "What exactly is the 'Three Kick Rule' old man?"

The farmer replied, "Well,it is simple,because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. He old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you stupid old fart. Now it's my turn."



The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck......................"

Can you tell what it is yet ?




Hint: The picture was taken in 1956.

Answer...






It's a hard disk drive back in 1956... With 5 MB of storage.

In September 1956, IBM launched the 305 RAMAC,


The first 'SUPER' computer with a hard disk drive (HDD).


The HDD weighed over a ton and stored a 'whopping' 5 MB of data.


Do you appreciate your 32 GB memory stick a little more now?

And this? To give an idea of size it is as big as a large filing cabinet.



Magnetic core memory, 64K words.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnetic-core_memory

Excellent

50 shades of grey

I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. "I'm gonna need more than that," she said. Taking a breath, I then put in 3 fingers. "Go on, get your whole hand in," she demanded. I wanted to please her, so I did what she said: I was really sweating now. "It's no good, you'll have to put both hands in". I closed my eyes & thrust forward with my other hand & she let out a scream. "There you go, it's not that f*****g hard doing the washing up.!!!

A friend of mine has admitted he is addicted to drinking brake fluid ........

He reckons he can stop at any time.

I love that one. It's a cracker.