Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your
husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right
down!
How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
mouth shut that does the trick."

Equality ?

A guy asked a girl in the university library


"Do you mind if I sit beside you?


The girl replied with a loud voice,


"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly
embarrassed.


After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's
table and said,


"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I
guess you felt embarrassed, right?”;

The guy then responded with a loud voice:


“$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.


The guy whispered in her ear:


"I study law, and I know how to screw people."

>Hello

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman
> waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'
>
> He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
> So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
>
> To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
>
> Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
> to his wife.
>
> So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made
> love to, on the Pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your
> partner whipped my ar8e with wet celery?'
>
> She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.

This pearl of history may have escaped you.



History of the Condom



I've always been a student of history but I didn't know this.

In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.



Don't thank me, I do this as a public service for the
advancement of education.

Cute dogs playing - what can go wrong?

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150396201008095&set=vb.705998094&type=2&theater

You can't use the iPad for everything

http://vimeo.com/61275290

Australian Love Poem. With apologies in advance if deemed racist.

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a blo0dy top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky brea8ts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think it’s very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the cricket’s on
And fetch another beer..


[ Brings a lump to your throat doesn't it.. !! ]

two clips that have me laughing many times not particularly PC but

dead terrorist

Armegeddon

In Australia there is a particular type of guy that is referred to as a "wombat". My younger brother was one in his late teens.

Why a wombat? Well a wombat eats roots and leaves. It's just a matter of putting comma after the word eats to understand the difference between the two legged wombat and the four legged wombat.

Might have been posted before:



A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM !

'Viagra' is now available in tea bags.


It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.