Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Liking Rooney!s new wig

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly .

If you're wife is overweight get. Her to walk for 30 mins each day. After one week she'll already be three and a half hours away.

I felt like that this m/ing had a bad night's sleep because I rolled on my back and was snoring she off into the other bedroom . But her pet hot water bottle lay where he was then returned to cold for her gave me several digs in the ribs etc , can't wake the dead . This m/ing she was not a happy bunny . Funny when she snores she find's it funny. Married 30 year this year thats 2 life sentences, and you get out early for being a good lad .

A young boy, accompanied by his father, meets President Obama. He asks: "My father says that you want all our personal data. Is that true?"

The President´s answer: "This man is not your father!"

A woman in her 40s went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift .

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called , " THE KEY , " where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift .

Of course, the woman wanted "The Key."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful- the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years , the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems .

" All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results.

But now I've developed two annoying problems:

First, "I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them".

The surgeon looked at her closely and said, " Those arn't bags, those are your tits".

She said, " No point asking about the beard then................."

> Critical Thinking At Its Best!
>
> Woman: Do you drink beer?
> Man: Yes
>
> Woman: How many beers a day?
> Man: Usually about 3
>
> Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
> Man: £3.00 which includes a tip
>
> (This is where it gets scary !)
>
> Woman:
> And how long have you been drinking?
> Man: About 20 years, I suppose
>
> Woman: So a beer costs £3 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
> spending each month at £270 In one year, it would be approximately
> £3,300…correct?
> Man: Correct
>
> Woman: If in 1 year you spend £3,300, not accounting for inflation, the past
> 20 years puts your spending at £66,000 correct?
> Man: Correct
>
> Woman:
> Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
> have been put in a interest savings account and after accounting for
> compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a
> Ferrari?
>
> Man: Do you drink beer?
> Woman: No
>
> Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

John. I told the Mrs this one and I had to help her up off the floor she was laughing so much

Pleased to see people laughing , watch out when she ask's you for the key she may mean the Mog . The other you can live with .

Saw a lady the other day with bags under her eyes and a bald chin. I think she was South American