Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:
"Too chuffing late pal, I've already done the paperwork."

This is a frightening statistic , Probably one of the most worrisome in recent years .

25% of the women in AUSTRALIA are on medication
for mental health .

That's scary!!!


It means 75% are running around untreated.

The teacher ask's the kids in her class: " What do you want to be when you grow up?"


Little Johnny say's : I want to be a billionair , go to the most expensive clubs, get me the finest bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card , while banging her tree times a day".

The teacher, shocked , and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.


" And how about you Delores?"







" I want to be . Johnny's Bitch."

The maid asked for a raise.

"Why do you think you are worth more money?" asked the lady of the house.
"Because I iron better than you" was the reply.
"Who says so?"
"Your husband. And not only that I cook better than you."
"Oh is that so? Who says so?" said the lady, now quite miffed.
"Your husband. And that's not all, I make love better than you."
The lady was now outraged, "I suppose my husband said that too!"
"Oh no - that was the gardener"
"Very well then. How much do you want?"

So it's a boy, lets see what they call it.

I think Prince Albert has a ring to it...

By Pam Ayres of course..
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well, I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Ethel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Ethel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple of minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Ethel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like,
and stood on her left 8it!
Ethel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God! What had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

I was thinking Alexander Albert Philip

Sorry but what is so important about just one more child in the world. Who knows how many thousand were born today and I doubt the world stopped for them.

Apparently over 2,200 born on the Island yesterday, he hopefully (but unlikely) will be the only one the UK taxpayer has to feed ! so we have a vested interest over here ;-)