Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Crikey Graham! That joke should have come with a warning - I nearly embarrassed myself. I can't seem to find a wet pants smiley

Brilliant Graham. Now where did I put my specs.

Glad you enjoyed it chaps

ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese
British writer, actor, and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

If only that were true. President Hollande is one of the most hawkish of the western leaders in this Syria business; hardly surprising as getting involved in foreign military action seems like catnip to leaders who are failing at home. Hollande seems blissfully unaware of the irony that his intervention in Mali to sort out Al Qaeda caused many of them to leave and go to ......Syria where they are now numbered among the rebels whom he proposes to assist.

My apologies that this is neither tongue in cheek nor humorous, but the whole thing just makes me so angry that I couldn't stop myself.

Yep just like our peace envoy Tony Blair the multi millionaire.

I finally got my Morgan back.............

............ after it had been in the workshop for over 12 months.

No word of explanation, nothing, then all of a sudden it will be ready tomorrow.











Last time I use Webster's Garage in Coronation Street !!!!

A Morgan ? I thought we'd already established in previous posts that it was a 14 year old escort (and that it had just gone in for a touch up).

Inglish?

From the World Wide Words newsletter to which I subscribe. It often cantains interesting and amusing items.



I think they meant that the maid found the body.

(Note to self)

In future just read the previous posts. Their jokes are much better anyway.