Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause an accident?

Chatting to a southern lad last night at the baths he lives in Newcastle said "it was hell to get out off Newcastle " and one older bloke had said to him as he walked past " by am I itching for a fight today " . Can't see the point why dont they support each other or am I the only one in the world to think that.

Giles , I told Jnr your joke and she is 100% Sunderland . Dad that is a real Sh*tty joke its not funny at all.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor Balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St Peter told Arthur: "Since you've been a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said , "I want to hang out with God " .

St. Peter took Arthur to the throne room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you where the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yeah , that's me"...

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke ,"Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman ?"

God said "Ah, yes".

"Well", said Arthur, "professional to professional, , you have some major design faults in your invention!"

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end suspension.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are to soft and wobble about too much.

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!.


"Hmmmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on".

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a few words and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "But according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention that yours".

A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London .
She comes home 6 month later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat.
Begorrah, Colleen,"says her mother.
"Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin"an" it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?"

Colleen replies, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London."

When the weekend's over, Colleen returns to the bright lights , but she's back to visit her mum a few months later.
This time, when she steps out of the taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring.

With the usual exchange with mum........."Won it at the bingo!"

The Colleen returns to the bright lights again . Afew months later, she's back again. And this time she's sporting a beautiful emerald diamond necklace and matching bracelet and earrings.She hands her mother£1000/- and explains that she won it all at the bingo.Then she asks her mum to run her a bath as she need's to freshen up.

Her mum draws the bath while Colleen gets undressed in her bedroom, but when she gets to the bathroom , there's only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Colleen , a wee bit peeved at her mum being so cheap with the hot water after being handed £1,000/- call's downstairs, "mum! Sure now didn't I ask you to run me a bath?There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!"

"Indade there is, me darlin" replies her mum. "But we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card wet now, do we?"

SIX BASIC RULE FOR GOOD HEALTH


1. F***ing once a week is good for your health , everyday is even better.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing don't eat to much... Go for the liquids

5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol!!!

SO.... REMEMBER...


















6.** FISHING** is good for your health and soul...
And may the Good Lord cleanse your Filthy Mind!!!

priceless

No she's not its a £1000/- .



[quote=A11OGE]priceless

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