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Old Book
by Morganmike - 21/09/26 07:54 PM
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Forums39
Topics49,940
Posts838,604
Members9,638
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Most Online1,063
Jun 14th, 2026
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person" report for his missing wife:
Husband :-I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn’t come home
Inspector :-What is her height?
Husband :-I don’t know, I’ve never checked
Inspector :-Slim or healthy?.
Husband :-Not slim, can’t be healthy.
Inspector :-Colour of eyes?
Husband :-Could be hazel or maybe brown
Inspector :-Colour of hair?
Husband :-Changes according to season.
Inspector :-What was she wearing?
Husband :-Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector :-Was she driving?
Husband :-yes.
Inspector :-colour of the car? . . . . .
Husband :-black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door………………….and then the husband started crying...
Inspector:-Don't worry sir,.....We will find your car. Class  
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,751 Likes: 158
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,751 Likes: 158 |
Don't laugh, this is serious. http://youtu.be/AbvSFFCd1ZY
Peter ![[Linked Image]](http://bradley.it/public_images/drive.jpg)
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2 |
Too true 
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425
Learner Plates Off!
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Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425 |
Mr. James Smith,
206 Andover Road,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.
Dear Mr. Smith,
Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.
I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are
looking for in the show's contestants.
However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually Fact Hunt.
In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.
Yours,
Charles Knight,
Light Entertainment,
BBC Television Centre,
London.
John
2015 Plus 4 (GDI) Sport Green
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209
OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
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OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209 |
The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot of Novocain.
"No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said..
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects..
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on, suffocates me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out"
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,299
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,299 |
THE LIGHT TURNED YELLOW The light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me To Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the 'chrome-plated Christian fish emblem' on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car." 
 2013 M3W # 793 'Mosquito'
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,751 Likes: 158
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,751 Likes: 158 |
Brilliant 
Peter
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,918 Likes: 354
Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
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Salty Sea Dog Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 28,918 Likes: 354 |
+1 Love it!
Graham (G4FUJ)
Sold L44FOR 4/4 Giallo Fly
'11 MINI Countryman Cooper D All4
'90 LR 90 SW
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