Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Paddy rings his girlfriend's door bell,
with a big bunch of flowers .

She opens the door sees the flowers,
and drags him in.

She lies back on the couch,
pulls her skirt up,
rips her knickers off and say's
"This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly," says Paddy,
"You must have a vase somewhere!"

IT'S LATE FALL AND THE INDIANS ON A REMOTE RESERVATION IN SOUTH DAKOTA ASKED THEIR NEW CHIEF IF THE COMING WINTER WAS GOING TO BE COLD OR MILD.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'THE INDIANS ARE COLLECTING A HECK OF A LOT OF FIREWOOD.'

Very good - I remember the inimitable line delivered by the chief (probably sitting bull) to Dustin Hoffman in the Battle for little big horn, the old boy had gone to the hill and lain out to die--after a few minutes he gets up and walks away saying " Today is not a good day to die" Hoffman looks as confused as ever but you kind of know what the chief means.

When that last number calls you have to pick it up - even if it's a smoke signal presumably...

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/video/cars/mech...cid=mailsignout

surely this is a laugh

I like it.

Looks like a Condor moment, or maybe even Richar Aus...

....no we just drive on the ceiling.

.....Lionel Richie stylee

From an ex college mate that I worked with in South Africa for 3 years in the early 1970's. He saw the writing on the wall and emigrated to New Zealand 10 years ago.



Only a South African will understand it all!

Boere Computer Dictionary from South Africa



Monitor


Keeping an eye on the braai



Download


Get the firewood off the bakkie



Hard drive


Trip back home without any cold beer



Keyboard


Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys



Window


What you shut when it's cold



Screen


What you shut in the mosquito season



Byte


What mosquitoes do



Bit


What mosquitoes did



Mega Byte


What mosquitoes at the dam do



Chip


A bar snack



Micro Chip


What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips



Modem


What you did to the lawns



Dot Matrix


Oom Jan Matrix's wife (classic!)



Laptop


Where the cat sleeps



Software


Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC



Hardware


Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers



Mouse
Mouse Pad


What eats the grain in the shed
Where the mouse takes the grain it does not eat



Mainframe


What holds the shed up



Web


What spiders make



Web Site


The shed (or under the verandah)



Cursor


The old bloke what swears a lot



Search Engine


What you do when the bakkie won't go



Yahoo


What you say when the bakkie does go



Upgrade


A steep hill



Server


The person at the pub that brings out the lunch



Mail Server


The bloke at the pub that brings out the lunch



User


The neighbour that keeps borrowing things



Network


When you have to repair your fishing net



Internet


Complicated fish net repair method



Netscape


When fish maneuvers out of reach of net



Online


When you get the laundry hung out



Off Line


When the pegs don't hold the washing up




Floppy Drive ----- When you take your plaas wekkas (workers) to the clinic . . .

Blog - â shortened version of Braai Log

Virus - the reason your wekkas go on a floppy drive to the clinic

Anti virus - the medication the wekkas get at the clinic

Virus protection - free condoms for the wekkas at the clinic

Stiffy - what happens to the wekkas when the anti-virus doesn’t wek

If you enjoy a beer/lager you may enjoy this.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=605179632937057&fref=nf