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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468 |
Aboriginal Tracker
An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines to track man or beast over land, through the air and under the sea. The Americans were incredulous.
Later in the day, as the group rounded a bend on the highway they discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line, whilst his left leg was held high in the air!
The bus stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine...
"Hey Jacky," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what are you listening for?"
The aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute... It's a red one… the left front tyre is bald... The front end is out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel... There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 4 dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge. "Good Lord man, how do you know all that" asked one.
The Aborigine replied:... ‘I fell out of the fucken thing about half an hour ago!"
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 6,538
Talk Morgan Sage
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Talk Morgan Sage
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 6,538 |
Neil
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 363
Learner Plates Off!
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Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 363 |
What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Doug
1985 4/4 4str, Jubilee Blue
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 11,610 Likes: 43
Wave & smile... It's a Morgan Member of the Inner Circle
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Wave & smile... It's a Morgan Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 11,610 Likes: 43 |
What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? A dead end thread Quick .....more jokes
2008 XXVII Platform, Bugatti Blue Roadster 4 Seater
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,776 Likes: 59
Talk Morgan Expert
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Talk Morgan Expert
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,776 Likes: 59 |
There are two types of people;
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 6,825 Likes: 59
Talk Morgan Sage
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Talk Morgan Sage
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 6,825 Likes: 59 |
There are three types of people. Those who can do maths and those who can't.
Last edited by BobtheTrain; 18/11/14 07:23 PM.
Best Regards
Lang may yer lum reek
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468 |
One for the IT boys.
WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters
User: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS:
Sorry, that password is already in use.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468 |
[i]The Assylum Seeker[/I
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Social Security Offices.
'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told by David Cameron to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in England with your wife and seven children– all costs to be borne by the British Tax Payers'
'The man told the fairy: 'Well, in Iraq where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.
'The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and
-- PING !!! The Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more wishes to go'.
The greedy Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder. 'I need a big house with a three car garage on the Coast with eight bedrooms– and a Gold Visa Card in each room - for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in Iraq; I want to bring them all over here.
PING ! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music.
'One more wish left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.
The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now and said '“I want to be English, with English clothes instead of the rags and shawl, and I want to have white skin like the English.'
PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn-out trainers, a dirty Man Utd T-shirt and a greasy baseball hat. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed. 'Where is my new house? Where's my Visa Gold Card?'
The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are English, You're entitled to Sweet f*** all like the rest of us. And she disappeared.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,772 Likes: 468 |
Don't you just love that dog !!!
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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