Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Happy New Year to all the great forum contributors and our very own Morgan Champion Simon - thanks for the great site being the conduit for new Morganisti friends .

+1. Thanks Simon

+2...very many thanks ...and a very happy new year to all TMers

Love it. Great advert from them.

(Private Eye front cover springs to mind - quotes include)

Morgan reports concern as GM (Genetic Modified) Tree is demonstrated by Chinese vendor.

Quality standards to improve as Morgan invests in Grow-it-right-first-time technology with University of Worcester Aboriculture crops and GM crop giant Monsanto.

I must pick up a copy it always makes you feel good...

Not a new one but I think it's still relevant. Got it today from a Bavarian Pharmacist ex neighbour of ours with a great sense of humour.


ALSO TO THOSE NOT QUITE 50….SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO .

Perks of reaching 50
or being over 60
and heading towards
70 or beyond!

1.
Kidnappers are not very
interested in you.

2.
In a hostage situation,
you are likely to be released first.

3.
No one expects you to run --
anywhere.

4.
People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask,
'Did I wake you?'

5.
People no longer view you as a
hypochondriac.

6.
There is nothing left
to learn the hard way.

7.
Things you buy now
won't wear out.

8.
You can eat
supper at 4 PM.

9.
You can live without sex
but not your glasses.

10.
You get into heated arguments
about pension plans.

11.
You no longer think of speed limits
as a challenge.

12.
You quit trying to hold
your stomach in no matter who walks
into the room.

13.
You sing along
with elevator music.

14.
Your eyes won't get
much worse.

15.
Your investment in health insurance
is finally beginning to pay off.

16.
Your joints are more accurate
meteorologists
than the national weather service.

17.
Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.

18.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to
a manageable size.

19.
You can't remember
who sent you this list.


And you notice these are all
in big print
for your convenience.


Forward this to everyone
you can remember
right now!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:
Never, NEVER, NEVER,
under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted
island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to
himself, "It's certainly not a ship"
As the speck got closer and closer,
he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet
suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
She walked up to the stunned
Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a
waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took
a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the
blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!......?????? "

...made me chuckle.

A goodun for the New Year Rich.