Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Superb!

Brilliant jokes

Bring on the six nations

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their 10th wedding anniversary when the wife says,
'Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it is time I made a confession......
before we were married I was a hooker for eight years..’
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,
'my love, you have been a perfect wife for 10 years! and I cannot hold your past against you..
Maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade so as to spice up our sex life a bit..?'
She said, 'Darling I don't think you understood me correctly, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales'

Brilliant

Men in general have 3 hairstyles:

1. Parted

2. Unparted

3. Departed

Mine is gradually moving into phase 3 from 2...

Following on from the current discussion on etiquette, it reminds me of the old tale of the young girl and her tearful farewell to her father as she left the family home to start her university career. Several weeks go by and her first letter home arrives;
”having a wonderful time…meeting all sorts of interesting people from all sorts of backgrounds…please send money and a book on social etiquette…your loving daughter…”
Loving father of course sends the cash and after some searching sends a book on etiquette.
Time passes, the next letter arrives;
“have been invited by my new friends to spend Christmas with them at their country house…hope you don’t mind that I won’t be home for Christmas…please send money and another book on social etiquette…your loving daughter…”
Slightly put out, the loving father sorts out some more cash and another etiquette book and sends them off, just a little bit pleased that his daughter is making new friends obviously of the right sort.
The next letter arrives;
“Christmas was wonderful…life very expensive…send more money and a book on advanced etiquette…see you at Easter”
Again, loving father dutifully scrapes together more cash and a book on advanced etiquette, taking solace in the prospect of his beloved daughter’s imminent first visit home after all these months.
Easter arrives and daughter arrives home looking radiant and very obviously pregnant.
Father as he gets over the shock asks who the father is only to be told that she doesn’t know at which point he screams "three books on social etiquette and you still can’t manage “With whom do I have the pleasure?”

"My dog, Minton, keeps eating all my shuttlecocks"



" Bad Minton!!"

Mine has gone "eco-friendly"......... Nice solar panel opened up on the roof...

I was staggering home from the pub the other night, and decided to take a short cut through the park. A woman came up to me in the shadows, and said "Fancy a quickie, luv? Only twenty quid"

Well, I was drunk, I'd never been with a tart before, and it was only twenty quid, so I said yes.We were just getting into our stride when all of a sudden there was a flash of torch light and a cop's voice said "What's going on here, then?"

"I was just making love to my wife, Officer", I replied

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise" said the cop

"Neither did I until you shone your torch in her face!"