Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Excellent.

I like it Peter

Very good.

Spanish Maid
The Spanish maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wan an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husband say so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'


Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'


Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora... the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

An Irishman went to Confession

"Father", he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month."

The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."

Soon, another Irishman entered the confessional.

"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've been having sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replied.

"Very well", sighed the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Marys."

At mass the next morning as the priest was preparing to deliver the sermon a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redhead entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church were on her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.

Her dress was green and very short and she was wearing matching, shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as she sat with her legs spread slightly apart ...just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears, but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Two best friends graduated from medical school at the same time, and decided that in spite of their two different specialties, they would open a practice together and share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."

The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read:

"Catatonics and High Colonics" - no go.

Next they tried: "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again!

So they tried "Nuts and Butts" - no way.

"Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good.

"Loons and Moons" - forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with this:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Specializing in Odds and Ends."

Everybody loved it.

three crackers

Reminds me of the Sydney yacht owned by a blind man and a psychiatrist. It is called "Out of Sight Out of Mind"

They even did the famous Sydney Hobart Race.
http://www.rolexsydneyhobart.com/the-yachts/1985/out-of-sight-out-of-mind/

Brilliant and talking about "out of mind" A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?"

Granny replies, "**** the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"