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Old Book
by Morganmike - 21/09/26 07:54 PM
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Forums39
Topics49,940
Posts838,604
Members9,638
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Most Online1,063
Jun 14th, 2026
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There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 9,560 Likes: 135
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 9,560 Likes: 135 |
Wife asks hubby for £15000.
What do you want it for? He asks.
I want a breast enlargement darling.....
Well.....I know of a cheaper way my darling......
What is that darling?
Well....
Every day take some Andrex soft and wipe your cleavage a few times. After a while your breasts will get larger.
That won't work ..impossible...she retorts
he replies...
Well it's worked a treat on your arse dear....
Plus Four MY23 Furka Rouge
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 5,447 Likes: 133
Black Rat Charter Member
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Black Rat Charter Member
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 5,447 Likes: 133 |
That one I like 
Keith
2013 narrow bodied + 4 Ruby.
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425
Learner Plates Off!
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Learner Plates Off!
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 425 |
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:
Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
John
2015 Plus 4 (GDI) Sport Green
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 6,960 Likes: 117
Talk Morgan Sage
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Talk Morgan Sage
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 6,960 Likes: 117 |
Best Regards
Lang may yer lum reek
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 27,864 Likes: 775
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 27,864 Likes: 775 |
I am sat in the Concord lounge at Heathrow waiting to fly to Schiphol.
BA made an announcement "Tory Burk please contact reception". Half the lounge were in stitches.
Hopefully that isn't his /her name. I suspect Bart Simpson in action
JohnV6
2022 CX Plus Four
2025 Renault Scenic Alpine etech "Yvette"
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
I am sat in the Concord lounge at Heathrow waiting to fly to Schiphol.
BA made an announcement "Tory Burk please contact reception". Half the lounge were in stitches.
Hopefully that isn't his /her name. I suspect Bart Simpson in action Excellent - it quickens the wait a bit John.
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 27,864 Likes: 775
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 27,864 Likes: 775 |
Yep after I stopped spluttering out the old champers I had quite a chortle.
Alas I have a 1 h delay.
I have a friend called Simon Oliver Dunford. The name chosen by his father as he liked the initials!
Shame he wasn't called Charles so we could add a fishy joke thread! Sorry only codding!
JohnV6
2022 CX Plus Four
2025 Renault Scenic Alpine etech "Yvette"
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
The codfather (Stewart) will be along soon 
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 2 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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