Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Gas Bill … hilariously incredible …

GAS BILL - NO JOKE - A TRUE STORY !!!



A man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW, Australia)

Received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that

He owed $0.00 ….. That’s right .... $0.00

He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another bill …….

And threw that one away too.

The following month the gas company sent him a very

Nasty note stating that they were going to cancel his

Gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail.

He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a

Computer error and they would take care of it.

The following month he decided that it was about time

That he tried out the troublesome gas line …..

Figuring that if there was usage on the account it

Would put an end to this ridiculous predicament.

However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.

He called the gas company who apologised for the computer

Error once again and said that they would take care of it.

The two day later he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment

Was now overdue.

Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day

The latest bill was yet another mistake, he ignored it,

Trusting that the company would be as good as their word

And sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00.

This bill also stated that he had 10 days to pay his account

Or the company would have to take steps to recover the

Debt of $0.00.

Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the gas company

At their own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00.

The computer duly processed his Account and returned

a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas

Company nothing at all.

A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the

Westpac Banking Corporation called our hapless friend

And asked him what he was doing writing cheque for $0.00.

After a lengthy explanation the bank manager replied that

The $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing

Software to fail. The bank could therefore not process

ANY cheques they had received from ANY of their

Customers that day because the cheque for $0.00

Had caused the computer to crash.

The following month the man received a letter from the gas

Company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that

He now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by

Return mail for the outstanding debt then they would take

Immediate steps to recover the debt.

At this point, the man decided to file a debt harassment

Claim against the gas company.

It took him nearly two hours to convince the clerks at the

Local courthouse that he was not joking.

They subsequently helped him in the drafting of statements

Which were considered substantive evidence of the

Aggravation and difficulties he had been forced to endure

During this debacle.

The matter was heard in the Magistrate's Court in Mudgee

And the outcome was this:

The gas company was ordered to:

[1] Immediately rectify their computerised accounts system

Or Show cause, within 10 days, why the matter should

Not be referred to a higher court for consideration under

Company Law.

[2] Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by the man.

[3] Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by all the Westpac

Clients whose cheques had been bounced on the day

Our friend's had been processed.

[4] Pay the claimant's court costs.

[5] Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the

5 month period from March to July inclusive as

Compensation for the aggravation they had caused

Their client to suffer.

And all this over $0.00 !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who employs these idiots?

An amusing tale, sadly highly unlikely to be true, variations on this story have been floating around for many years, and it's impossible to imagine how a zero-value entry would cause a computer system to crash, it might throw a data error but even the most junior programmer would know how to catch stuff like that.

A great story, but....

A quick Google search reveals:
http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/zero.asp

I do love that!!

BUT I was filling in an online pension form last week...Mortgage??

Nil/Zero/nothing/00/£00

Sorry ...this field MUST be filled in (you idiot!)

Soooo I put £1 - guess what ...Computer said ...thank you!!

What a crazy world we live in sometimes!!

Our bank's computer has a field in the database of personal data for the province of birth. As I was born outside Italy they do not have the code in their program. The actual code should be 'EE' but it is left blank. When I have to make an online tax payment in home banking all the personal data fields are automatically filled except this one. I always have to search for the code as I can never remember it. I rang our branch, nothing to be done, they tried but 'EE' is not accepted by the program, they suggested I contact the computer people at the bank to get the code entered in the database. They must have thousands of customers that were born outside of Italy so it does seem strange that the code is not in the program

The reply: "You must enter the code 'EE' in the field for province of birth"

THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND

In the original culture of Thailand , when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the community ceremony:

They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankels of each of the men.

She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects .

( This keeps them off his face during the ceremony )

A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a sexy and sensuous dance in the centre of the circle .

As soon as all the men become aroused, the kneeling girls then reach over the knees , pull the erect penis downwards as much as they can and then, on a given signal from the centre dancer, release it.

The men's penises would spring back up and go "WHAP!" against the belly buttons.

This exercise was a measurement of the strenght of there masculinity...The man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the king .

And that, lads, is why the capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok.

I bet you never knew this.

ps. If you see SWMBO swatting flies then offers you toast in the m/ing for b/fast say no it bloody well hurts , just off to hospital with two broken ribs.

Bruised nose here

From No1 Daughter today..

HEELLO big boy.