Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

IF IT HAS NOT HAPPENED YET , BEWARE ITS ON ITS WAY !!!!!.

"I've outlived my dick."

A Poem- by Willie Nelson



My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now a water spout.

Time was, on its own accord,
From trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the friggin 'thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!.


Well lads just thinking how many of you have a beard .

In the leave stay in europe debate tv last night :

A representative of Siemens, the large high tech manufacturer, asked why his business wants the UK to stay in EU  "We are interested in driverless cars something which may hit many of us"

 I like a man with confidence in his products.

A man goes into a Muslim book shop and asks the owner if he has Donald Trump's latest book on immigration. "Get out, f*ck off and don't come back," says the shop owner.

"Yes, that's the one," replies the man.

What's the difference between a hippo and Zippo?


One's a heavyweight, the other is a little lighter

It's Hell to be Old
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet !

An 80-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow.'

The next day the 80-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.....'

The doctor was shocked ! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

On a similar subject.

A man at the doctor's surgery.

"Doctor, I'm having problem maintaining an erection"

"How old are you?" asked the doctor.

"I'm 79"

"Well I'm afraid it's part of aging"
"So when did you first notice?"

"Oh, twice last night and once this morning"

I sent that to my daughter who lives in South Africa. Her response:

"Nooooo! Dad joke! Warning, warning, Dad joke alert!"

My son used to like:

What sort of bees produce milk?

Boo bees.





(I'm here all week etc)